So… I saw Bad Moms, and I laughed.

In case you don’t have any clue what movie I am talking about, here is a promo shot:

First, I’d like to admit right out of the gate I didn’t walk into this movie with naive expectations.  The trailers gave a pretty good indication that there would be some inappropriate humor.  Second, I am not planning on giving away any spoilers.  There were definitely some parts I thought the movie could have lived without, not only for the story line but even in the presentation.  Sometimes it could go too far.  Third, there were some parts of this that were REALLY unrealistic when you are talking about any group of moms.  Lastly, there were also a LOT of truths.

Overall, I laughed and I laughed hard.  At one point I laughed so hard (as I was taking a sip from my straw) that I pushed air through the straw, which caused a small tidal wave in my cup, and that resulted in my drink landing in my eyes.  Which just caused a whole other fit of laughter for myself and those sitting around me.  I laughed until I cried and my stomach hurt.  Yet, there were some moments that I nodded in solidarity.  There were moments that were uncomfortable.  And, yes… as I said before totally unnecessary.

What I want to write about (and I’m up for conversation too) is WHY a movie like this not only resonated with moms but was drawing us in like moths to a flame.

My first thought is probably the most obvious, there is an enormous amount of pressure on moms to be it all, do it all, and do so perfectly.  Whether it is the perfect birthday party, bento box lunches, or simply making it to every school and sport activity… we feel the pressure.  We notice so much of what is around us, like the mom who has the perfect hair and make up in the parent pick up line… when we were struggling to get out of the house with a bra under our pajama shirt.  We see the kids with the perfectly styled hair, accessories, and sparkling white sneakers…. and we just spent the last 40 minutes looking for eyeglasses or a belt.  Other moms dropping their kids off early, and we are 10 minutes late because we had to go back home and pick up the flute that was left behind… or because our darling child took 15 minutes to brush her teeth.

How do these moms do it?  We cast shade in their direction, but really we are asking ourselves… why can’t I do it?

I think there are a number of moms who have run the scenario through their head of just saying no.  No to the requests by the husband, kids, school, coaches, etc.  An opportunity to just walk away from the pressure and enjoy life again.  To make the choice of not being the perfect mom anymore, and instead be the bad mom.

This brings me to my second thought, as you watch the trailers you see a group of women having fun. We are not talking bunko party fundraiser fun, but the kind of fun we had as teenagers  and young single adults.  The fun we had when we didn’t care what others thought, where it was ok to be silly, and there was an expected freedom in the general knowledge we were going to make mistakes and bad choices.  It takes us back to a time when we didn’t have to be an adult, and could just let loose and be free.

With motherhood came some sort of unwritten code of conduct, that we couldn’t be silly anymore.  We began to take everything too seriously, including ourselves.  Let’s face it, books and the advice of television “experts” reinforced this.  Reminding us over and over again that it was time to grow up, put away childish things, and get our heads out of the clouds.  As we did this, many of us sent fun sailing away for good.  We stopped smiling, we stopped laughing, and we stopped being silly.

The movie Bad Moms called out to that free spirit inside of us, that desperately wanted to laugh… and laugh hard.  So, it pulls out all the stops.  The women let loose in a way we couldn’t, and we live vicariously through them.  They say the things that roll through our minds & do the things we secretly wished we could.  (Ok, maybe not all of the things they say and do, but you get the point).

I also believe this appeals to Christian women so deeply because of the bar that is set for our expected behavior.  If other moms are feeling the pressure to be perfect in their every day life, Christian moms understand the additional expectations put on the Christian mom.  To have perfect children that love Jesus, quote the bible, volunteer with the elderly, and gladly donate all their birthday money to the missions fund.  To be women who are serious about the study of the Lord, leading small groups, inviting women over to mentor and pray together, to dress in simple clothes, and be ever diligent in our choices of entertainment.  There is a pressure that all of our time should be so seriously focused on Christ, that we can’t let loose and laugh until our sides hurt.

Confession… I saw the movie on opening night.  It’s taken me almost a month to admit I saw it, because frankly… I expected to be judged for it.  I was worried about what my church friends, my readers that look to me for wisdom, the women or leaders who are reading through my blog trying to decide if I would be the right speaker for their next women’s event… what would these people think of me?

I learned something from the movie though… my eyes were opened to how long it had been since I had laughed so much and so hard.  I realized how seriously I take myself and made the decision not to.  I embraced that silliness is okay and even healthy for my kids to see.  I made the decision that I wanted to laugh more, but with those whom I am the closest to… not a theater full of strangers.  I want that girl posse who has my back, in the most biblical way possible… and who will be silly with me.  Women who know how to laugh, smile, and stop trying to be something that is impossible to attain… perfect.

All of those parts of the movie that I thought were unnecessary, they don’t have to be part of my life.  But the good stuff… I welcome it.  We are all GOOD MOMS despite our imperfections and the times we muck things up… because we are LOVING MOMS.  In the end that is what matters.  The Lord didn’t call us to a life of misery, but of fulfillment and joy as mothers… and laughter.  So much laughter.

#Write31Days – Post 23 – False Teachers

A few weeks ago, during our small group, a woman asked me how to identify a false teacher.  Specifically, her concerns were based in the fact that she, herself, was still currently learning the scripture.  The Bible tells us to test false teachers and prophets against God’s Word, but if you are currently not well versed in the scriptures… how do you begin?   I am going to share here, the advice I gave to her.  I hope that it is helpful.

 “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves.”

Matthew 7:15

1.   Begin in prayer.  Whenever I am presented with an opportunity to hear from a new speaker, read a new book, or perhaps even attend another church as a guest… I start in prayer.  I need the Holy Spirit to be that discerning voice, that physical presence in my body, that will help me.  It is that voice you get in your head, when something just doesn’t sound right.  That knot in the pit of your stomach when you are just not comfortable in your seat.  The voice that says do not listen, flee.  I pray that God will move me away from false teachers.
2.  Do some research.  Thankfully the internet usually abounds with information on any sort of public figure.  Most churches, organizations, and conferences have websites that will clue you into their statement of faith, allow you to see past sermons or snippets from events, etc.  I want to know who this person is, what is their background, what do they believe in, and who is in their circle of influence, who do they consider a mentor or friend.  You can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep.
3. Remember context matters.  In your research phase, you may come across blogs and articles that speak against ANY given author, speaker, or well known Pastor.  What I would challenge you to do, is to not take their word as gospel truth.  If they post a 15 second sound clip, do not take that at face value.  Instead, take the extra time and see if you can find those quotes, video clips, etc in full context.  Many things can be taken out of context, the Bible often is.  We need the full context of the statement (including who their audience was, and WHEN this was spoken) in order to make an educated decision.  If I can’t find the quote/video in full context, I disregard it.
4. Time changes people.  I am so thankful I am not the person I was 20 years ago, 10 years ago, and even 5 years ago.  I have grown a lot in my knowledge of the scriptures.  Therefore, I will generally disregard any old quotes, writings, videos as evidence against a speaker.  To be specific, I won’t usually consider anything that is over 10 years old…. UNLESS the speaker hasn’t changed their position.  If this is the same platform being recycled every few years, then certainly it is important.  But, I recently heard a woman call a current author a “false teacher” over a comment she made over 13 years ago… when the author was barely in her twenties.  She has grown a lot since then, and that is evident in her more recent work.  Therefore I am more interested in who the person is NOW, what to they believe today versus what their inexperienced youthful self saw as truth.
5. Cautiously ask others.   I used the word cautiously here, because we are looking at personal opinion.  Personal opinion can quickly become gossip, it isn’t always factual, and even facts that are spoken may be inaccurate.  To proceed cautiously I would suggest not asking everyone (like a general “what do you think of this person” post on social media.  That will create a STORM.  Instead look to key people whom you respect, and ask their thoughts.  This could be your Pastor, his wife, bible study leaders, etc.   It is ok if they say something along the lines of “he doesn’t sit well with me, but I can’t tell you why”.  That’s their discernment at work (see #1).  However, if they start giving you “facts”, take the time and do the research (see #2) to ensure accuracy.
6. Keep Studying.  No matter what, keep studying the Word for yourself.  The more acquainted you become with the scriptures, the sooner you begin raising red flags at false teachers/prophets.   In the beginning, it may simply come from your greater knowledge of God’s character over knowledge of the scriptures verbatim.  If a false teacher says something that just doesn’t fall in line with the nature of God, it will stand out…. even if you can’t put your finger on the exact scripture reference at the moment.  Over time, you will become more familiar with the scriptures themselves and improve your ability to recognize scriptures that are twisted or taken out of context.

These six tips are great ways to help you begin to identify false teachers, while you are becoming a better student of the Word.  The more you know the Word, the more you know God… and the easier it is to identify those who are misusing, misrepresenting, and misquoting the Scripture.

The following are some scriptures that clue us into ways we can identify false teachers and prophets:  (bold emphasis is mine)

Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. – Ephesians 5:11        False teachers/prophets are going to make claims, but their claims will not come true.  They will claim healing, but there will be none.  They will give the illusion of miracles, but they will not be real.  They will prophesy, but the prophesies won’t come true.   

I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them.- Romans 16:17    These are people who are trouble makers, pot stirrers, always looking for a fight and to cause trouble.  They are creating divisions in the church, and spinning scripture out of context further causing division among the body of believers.

For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive.  – Romans 16:18     They are smooth talkers, who say the things we want to hear.  It sounds nice, it sounds appealing, and it may even sound like truth.  But they are not trying to serve you, or God… but only themselves.  Everything they do is for their own gain.  More money, more prestige, more celebrity, more power.  They may also speak with authority and their words may seem credible, but their intentions are to build themselves up over man… not pointing man to God.

For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions.  – 2 Timothy 4:3   These teachers will tell us what we want to hear in a way that sounds like truth, and even those who love God will fall for it… if they do not know His word for themselves.  It will sound like truth, because it will distort scripture to support their claims.

But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing upon themselves swift destruction. – 2 Peter 2:1     False teachers and prophets are sneaky, and actively sneaking their way into the lives of believers.  They won’t always stand out and boldly proclaim things contrary to the scriptures. Some will slither in to our churches, sitting next to us in pews.  And like the serpent was able to get Eve to question what God really said about eating the forbidden fruit… they will make us question what the bible means in scripture passages.  They will claim to be our sisters and brothers in Christ, but will be wolves in sheep’s clothing (Matt 7:15)

Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world. ² By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God. – 1 John 4:1-3  There will be false teachers and prophets that are more obvious, speaking directly against God, speak of God without Jesus Christ, or speak of God in a way that contradicts what the scripture reveal of Him.

See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ.- Colossians 2:8  False teachers and prophets will use human thinking, logic, theories and empty evidences as an explanation in an attempt to discredit God or to change how we think of God.

For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. So it is no surprise if his servants, also, disguise themselves as servants of righteousness. Their end will correspond to their deeds.   2 Corinthians 11:13-15   False teachers will also disguise themselves as leaders, not just fellow believers.  They will call themselves apostles, disciples, pastors, bishops, reverends, priests, etc.  They will use terms we are familiar with to create a credibility.  However the Word tells us that we will see through their claims by their deeds, how they behave and what actions they take.

And many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of truth will be blasphemed. – 2 Peter 2:2   Multiple times in the scriptures we are warned that false teachers are going to be attractive to people.  They may be good looking, seem to have their lives all together, the words that flow out of their mouths will be appealing.  They will have charm, charisma, and an attractive personality.  They will seem to be financially blessed, free of difficulties in their lives, everything appears to always go in their favor.

If anyone teaches a different doctrine and does not agree with the sound words of our Lord Jesus Christ and the teaching that accords with godliness, he is puffed up with conceit and understands nothing. He has an unhealthy craving for controversy and for quarrels about words, which produce envy, dissension, slander, evil suspicions, and constant friction among people who are depraved in mind and deprived of the truth, imagining that godliness is a means of gain.

  – 1 Timothy 3:6-5

There are many, many more, scriptures that talk about the false teachers and prophets found in the Old Testament through the New Testament.    These are just a small sampling of those scriptures.  This is also not a discount to those who have received Spiritual Gifts!  Rather it is a call to all believers to be students of the word, to have a solid foundation in sound doctrine, and an intentional prayer life that keeps their focus on WHO GOD REALLY IS, WHAT HIS WORD REALLY SAYS, AND HOW GOD CONSISTENTLY ACTS.

About a year ago, I read an article written by a Christian woman on a piece of scripture that was entirely off the mark.  She ended it with an invitation to challenge her interpretation of the scripture, but only if you could support your argument with the Bible.  I responded to the article, siting multiple resources on the historical context of it.  I also included Bible verses that discounted her interpretation.  Her reply???  I don’t have enough time to address all of this individually.  I disagree with you and she listed a few quick retorts.  Then do you know what she did?  She blocked me from responding.

I followed her rules.  I had more biblical evidence than she did.  She was unwilling to even check if my evidence was accurate.  And she closed down the conversation.

What did that tell me?  False teacher.

2 Pet2:1 – false prophets among the people, false teachers among you. —– She labeled herself a Christian.

2 Tim4:3 – they will not endure sound doctrine. —– She was unwilling to consider BIBLICAL evidence.

Rom 16:17 – cause division, create obstacles to sound doctrine.  —– Her argument took scripture out of context, and was pitting Christians vs. Christians.  You were only right if you supported her “interpretation”.

Ephesians 5:11 – take no part in fruitless work, but expose it.  —– When she was rebuked using scripture, she disabled me from continuing to expose her. 

1 Tim3:6-5 – teaching a different doctrine that didn’t agree with the words of Christ.   —– She was conceited in her belief that she was right. She was creating controversy and friction among God’s people.   She was absolutely unteachable, and her deeds exposed her.  (2 Cor 11:15)

#Write31Days – Post 9 – False Spirituality

The lights come on, the camera is rolling, there is beautiful music being played, voices fill the air with their melodic song, and then the speaker delivers a powerful message.  We leave from that place invigorated and inspired to change our ways, to pray more and read the Bible every day.  We agree to hold each other accountable, to volunteer more, and to give more as we become better stewards.  Our lives are so affected and changed that each week we will invite more and more people to hear this person, this godly and spiritual gift from heaven.

This may go on for weeks, months, years and even decades.  Then it happens, one day we turn on the news and that gift is being splashed across the screen.  The person we held in such high regard has been accused or even arrested, or has stepped forward to admit and unexpected truth.  We try to deny it, but ultimately the truth always comes out.  We have to face the fact that this person, whom we held in such high regard, was nothing but a phony.

When I was a child, I remember watching television with my grandmother on Sundays.  There was one particular show she would watch, where a beautiful woman would come on stage… she would sing with such beauty and emotion that tears would stream down her face.  Her husband would then take the stage and preach a message that was convicting and life changing.  They were inspiring people, until the day his fraud was exposed.  People who had supported their ministry were devastated, and many became like me… a hardened skeptic.  I don’t fall for “shows” anymore, and I have learned to watch for the signs of hypocrisy and being disingenuous.

There are people who are REALLY good at faking it.  They may appear to have it all together, the perfect husband, kids and home.  They can spout out bible verses, speak in glorious ways that make them sound learned and wise, they pray out loud using fancy words and phrases, and they know the right lingo that will create an illusion of being holy and righteous.

Therefore whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed on the housetops.

Luke 12:3

Sometimes I will see right through a person, from the start.  Yet there are other times where it isn’t quite that obvious.  I may be suspicious, but without any evidence.  Or, the person might be really good at hiding their true self.  Humans are incapable of hiding truth for that long though, eventually we begin to see signs that things are not quite how they are being presented.  Then over time, particularly as the person becomes more comfortable with you – or confident in their ability to deceive – they truth beings to come to surface.  We can see through the facade.

The man who acts like a loving and caring father out in public, but verbally abuses his children or wife.

The pastor who gets caught in an affair or misusing tithes and church funds.

The woman who comes off as a sweet and kind woman at church, but in her home she screams and treats her family like they are nothing.

The ministry leader who prays for spiritual purity in the youth, while he is grooming certain students to be abused.

I am not talking about the person who gets caught up in a singular bad decision, where they lost good sense because of the temptation in front of them.  We are all sinners and have the capability of atrocious things.  I am talking about the person who is consistently and purposefully this way.  They put on a good show for others (and maybe they think it’s impressing God) but in their heart they are truly not changed, in their homes they are the exact opposite of what they preach or teach.

These are people who have a false spirituality.  They know all of the right words, all of the traditions, and how to present themselves in a way that sells their best characteristics.  But inside they are corrupt, manipulative, and deceitful.

Would not God discover this? For he knows the secrets of the heart.

Psalm 44:21

God knows the heart, and He will shine light on the darkness.

For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.

Luke8:17

These are people who will even try and garner your sympathies as they wallow in their own sin, but it’s just for show.  They are not really interested in changing themselves, they just want to make sure you can’t speak against them.  It’s a guardrail that they put up to protect themselves.  It allows them to speak their truth (sometimes harshly) by tagging on a “I am not perfect” clause as they critique you.  They will claim deliverance from this or that sin, so that after they have torn you down … they can build you back up in as their own image bearer.

People with false spirituality are not trying to make you look Christ-like… hardly!  What they are trying to do is to mold you to look more like they do, they are doing it for the glory.  They shout “LOOK AT ME!  Look at what I have done.  Come, be just like ME!”… and God is not part of that equation.

So, how do we spot “false spirituality” –

• Pray for Discernment – ask God to give you the wisdom and the knowledge to see through those who are frauds.

• Pray for Transparency – pray that God will reveal their hidden truths to you, or the public as a whole.

• Be Observant & Listen – you will begin to notice things that don’t feel quite right, or they will say something that will cause you take pause.  The more you are around them, the more frequently this will happen.

• Look to Others – let me be clear, I am NOT advising you to gossip about a person.  What I am saying is see how others act around them.  Are there people who seem to have modeled themselves to be just like this person?  That’s a clue.  Just as much on the other side, do you notice that the wise people in your church or community are avoiding them like the plague!  That’s a clue too.

• Who Do They Credit – when there is blessing or praise to be given, who does this person credit the glory to?  If they are constantly looking for the pat on the back, the attention, the credit, the glory … be careful.  “Look at what I did…” is just as bad as “Thank you Lord for allowing me this success….”.  In both cases, this is a person who is working in their own strength, on their own agenda. 

No one is going to be perfect, and if you are not careful you can discount just about anyone from being in your life because they are failing or sinful SOMEWHERE.   A genuine person isn’t going to put on the act of spiritual superiority, they are more interested in trying to address their own sin issues than trying to solve everyone else’s.

I recall a woman I was speaking with was sharing a ministry vision, she wanted to create a website where Christians could essential log their community service hours.  She wanted the world to see the good that Christians are doing, so they would see that we are not hypocrites and that we are actively striving to make a better world.

In theory, that sounds good.  But is that biblical? Is that actually a ministry?

Not really.

It was just another way to get a pat on the back for doing a good job.  It was another way of saying “hey, look at me and what I do!”  It didn’t allow God to get the credit, it was a place where instead each person would be able to get the credit they felt they deserved.

“So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be honored by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.”

Matthew 6:2-4

This is also an great example of “false spirituality” because it gives an appearance of godliness.  When we boast about ourselves and our accomplishments for God, we are actually boasting only of ourselves.  If we truly wanted God to have all the glory, we would leave our names out of it entirely.  We are warned that as the days draw closer to Christ’s return, false spirituality is going to be on the rise as much (if not more) than sin and decay in the world.  When we encounter false spirituality, we must flee from it so that we are not corrupted by it.

But know this:  Difficult times will come in the last days.  For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, without love for what is good, traitors, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding the form of godliness but denying its power.  Avoid these people!

For among them are those who worm their way into households and capture idle women burdened down with sins, led along by a variety of passions, always learning and never able to come to a knowledge of truth.

2 Timothy 3:1-7

 

Scoffers Among Us

Drive out a scoffer, & strife will go out, quarreling & abuse will cease.

Proverbs 22:10

Who are the scoffers and what does the Bible have to say about them?

Actually, quite a lot.

What does haughty even mean???

Haughty, Scoffer, Arrogance, all of this is rooted in PRIDE.

Pride makes us think we are better than others.  We will think our sin isn’t as bad.  We will believe that our interpretation is more accurate.  We will divide our own brothers and sisters in Christ, based our preconceived opinions that we look to prove in the scriptures.  Those who do not agree with us, will receive venom from our lips.  Because, we can’t be wrong.  It is impossible for us to believe that we could be wrong.

This is because we have put our confidence in ourselves, and our own ability to comprehend the scriptures.  However, our confidence in ourselves supersedes humility toward God.  He gives us His Word so that we may understand HIM better and not to prove our own points or agendas.

As the days draw closer to Christ’s return, the Scriptures warn us in 2 Timothy 3, that:

But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: ² For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, ³ unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, ⁴ traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, ⁵ having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! ⁶ For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, ⁷ always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. ⁸ Now as Jannes and Jambres resisted Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, disapproved concerning the faith; ⁹ but they will progress no further, for their folly will be manifest to all, as theirs also was.

These scoffers, the haughty and arrogant, are not just out and about in the world.  They are sometimes sitting in the pews right next to us.  They are always looking to a new teacher, preacher, author, etc for wisdom.  However, they don’t recognize that they are seeking out these teachers who tell them exactly what they want to hear!

For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.

2 Timothy 4:3

They will rely on the interpretations of others to prove their points, instead of seeking the truth in God’s Word.  They will not be sharing their own knowledge or understanding, but that which has been spoon fed to them.  They no longer are satisfied with the milk of the basic scriptures, but they don’t want the meat of the truth.  They are searching for the candy coated sweets that satiate their cravings.

They will argue against anyone who speaks otherwise, like a child who is throwing a tantrum because it’s mother took away her candy and replaced it with a balanced meal.

Even when presented with scripture, they will not recognize sound doctrine as they are too busy arguing their point.  They don’t want to hear any Truth that would counter their preconceived beliefs.

Lovers of Themselves…. I’m right, you are wrong.

Lovers of Money…. Look at what I have.  Look at my home.  Look at my clothes. Look at my purse.  Look at my shoes.  Look at my grand event.  Or … on the flipside… Oh look at how I sacrifice.  Praise my thriftyness.

Boasters….  Look at how holy I am, how righteous, how great of a Christian I am.  Look at the good deeds I do for the community.

Proud…. I am incapable of being wrong.  I have nothing to apologize for.  I am right and you are just not smart enough to understand it like I do.   I am better at…. fill in the blank… than anyone.  My way is always best.

Blasphemers… contempt to God or toward his Word when we disregard portions of the scriptures are irrelevant or worthless.

Disobedient to parents…  are we honoring our mothers and fathers?

Unthankful… for God’s blessings, discontent with what He has gifted us.

Unholy… willingly sinning or choosing to not turn from our sin, lacking repentance.

Unloving… not loving toward God, to others as we are called to do by Jesus.  (Love God with all our hearts and understanding, loving our neighbor as ourselves)

Unforgiving… not willing to forgive or reconcile with our brothers and sisters in Christ, our family members, harboring resentment, hatred, disdain, and ill feelings towards those we are called to love.

Slanderers… speaking falsely against others, particularly those who are apart of our Kingdom family.   Spreading rumors that tarnish their reputation without actual first hand knowledge ourselves.  Gossiping and complaining about them, instead of speaking to them directly.

Without Self Control… being reckless or having an inability to control our thoughts, words, behaviors in situations or towards others.

Brutal…  Do we speak truth without regard to HOW we speak truth.  Is brutal honesty or brutal attack our go to instead of gentle instruction and guidance?

Despisers of Good… Do we not appreciate the blessings that God gave us because it wasn’t what we wanted, or as big, or in the timing we desired?  Do we despise the blessings other receive out of jealousy or anger toward them?

Traitors… Do we betray God’s word?  Do we betray our friends?  Do we betray our morals and principles in order to get our own way?

Headstrong… Are we self willed and obstinate?  Do we dig our heels in against God’s desires for us, or His calling?  Do we fight for our way in our ministry service, in our marriages, our homes and jobs.

Haughty… are you arrogant, do you see your self as infallible, superior in knowledge or talent above others?  Are you prideful?  Always in the need to be right?  Always in need to be the person in charge?  Your way or the highway?  Are you incapable of being corrected, rebuked, or guided by a peer?

Lovers of Pleasure Over God… Where do you put your treasures?  Where do you spend your time?  What takes your time away from Bible Study, Prayer, and going to Church?  What takes your money away from tithing?  What activities outside the church keep you from serving in the church?  What are your pleasures that steal you from God?

Having a form of godliness but denying it’s power… What is the mask you wear?  What is the image  you project to the world of your godliness, holiness, righteousness… that is false?  How do you pretend for others, when in your heart you know it’s false?  Do you preach the words to others but not apply them to yourself, do not believe in them for yourself?  Do you stand above others as sinless, while hiding your sin behind cloaks?  Are you a modern day Pharisee?

FRAYED – A Church Unraveling

My longest posts are, generally, the ones where I am pouring out my heart.   So, consider this your warning.  Grab a cup of coffee and get comfy, we may be here a for a while.   My heart is heavy to day.

In recent days my eyes have been opened to how others view the church, more so than ever.  In particular, it has been most apparent as more church/Christian scandals break the news.  From a popular Christian family (who is caught up in the sinful decisions of one of their sons), the Ashley Madison leak (which exposed the names of Christian men and women wrapped up in adultery), bakeries and state clerks (caught up in the gay marriage SCOTUS decision),  and into the press and debates over the released Planned Parenthood videos (and the push to defund Planned Parenthood).

We are called hypocrites for standing against gay marriage, while divorce is still rampant within the church.   In other words, they wonder why we consider ourselves an authority on what a healthy marriage actually looks like… since we can’t seem to get that right ourselves.  We lost our integrity.

We are called hypocrites for standing against something when our own past, or current hidden sins, are being exposed for the world to see.  We lost our transparency.

We are called a “hate group” because of the words of our mouths and behaviors/actions are anything but Christ like. We say the most terrible things about people who are not “just like us”.  We lost our love.

We tear apart people we have never even met based on what a news article says about them.  We cry paranoia over news reports and internet articles where we are only receiving part of the story.     We lost our discernment.

In stead of loving people, we feel justified in screaming “murderer” at a women who had an abortion.  Without any knowledge of the events that brought her to the clinic that day.  We don’t take the time to understand people, but feel justified in judging them.  We lost our compassion.

What does the world see, when it looks at us?  What are we known for?

^“By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

John 13:35 (HCSB)

We have become our own greatest obstacle.

We argue over translations of the scriptures, then we wonder why the world doesn’t trust the scriptures to be accurate.

We argue over personal interpretations of scriptures, to the point that we have divided from a unified body of believers into denominations.  Then, we wonder why the world doesn’t trust that we know what we are talking about.

We rake leaders and teachers, over the coals in public and social media forums.  These are our own sisters and brothers in Christ!  Then, we wonder why the world doesn’t trust us with their failures and short comings.

We put on a false purity, holiness, righteousness, knowledge, wisdom, and illusions of “Christianity” instead of being authentic, transparent, and vulnerable.

We use judgement as a way to sit above others making our sin look smaller, because they are so much worse than we are.

We sell ourselves to the world as people who “have it all together” or “have all the right answers” and then we stumble and fall and discredit ourselves and our faith.  When the reality is that none of us have it all together or the right answers.  We are not spared trials and obstacles.  We simply have a hope that carries us through, and a trust that nothing we do when we fail can separate us from the LOVE OF GOD!

I find myself over, and over again, praying the Holy Spirit would convict us all to get beyond this place of division over foolish arguments and reconcile us to a united body of believers who stand in one accord, sharing the Gospel to the ends of the earth.  That we can be like Paul, who admitted of the sinners he was the worst.   Using that as our platform to woe people to Christ, instead of our “holiness”.

We have become slaves to the traditions and human commands of what a “Christian” should look like, that we have neglected what the scriptures say.  These human commands, they sound good and right, but if we are not testing them to the scriptures, and not praying for the Holy Spirit to help us discern truth… we become trapped.

Colossians 2

For I want you to know how great a struggle I have for you, for those in Laodicea, and for all who have not seen me in person. ² I want their hearts to be encouraged and joined together in love, so that they may have all the riches of assured understanding and have the knowledge of God’s mystery—Christ.^{[a] 3} All the treasures of wisdom and knowledge are hidden in Him.

⁴ I am saying this so that no one will deceive you with persuasive arguments. ⁵ For I may be absent in body, but I am with you in spirit, rejoicing to see how well ordered you are and the strength of your faith in Christ.

⁶ Therefore, as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, walk in Him, ⁷ rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, overflowing with gratitude.

⁸ Be careful that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deceit based on human tradition, based on the elemental forces of the world, and not based on Christ. ⁹ For the entire fullness of God’s nature^[b] dwells bodily^[c] in Christ, ¹⁰ and you have been filled by Him, who is the head over every ruler and authority. ¹¹ You were also circumcised in Him with a circumcision not done with hands, by putting off the body of flesh, in the circumcision of the Messiah.^{[d] 12} Having been buried with Him in baptism, you were also raised with Him through faith in the working of God, who raised Him from the dead. ¹³ And when you were dead in trespasses and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, He made you alive with Him and forgave us all our trespasses. ¹⁴ He erased the certificate of debt, with its obligations, that was against us and opposed to us, and has taken it out of the way by nailing it to the cross. ¹⁵ He disarmed the rulers and authorities and disgraced them publicly; He triumphed over them by Him.^[e]

¹⁶ Therefore, don’t let anyone judge you in regard to food and drink or in the matter of a festival or a new moon or a Sabbath day.^{[f] 17} These are a shadow of what was to come; the substance is^[g] the Messiah. ¹⁸ Let no one disqualify you,^[h] insisting on ascetic practices and the worship of angels, claiming access to a visionary realm and inflated without cause by his unspiritual^[i] mind. ¹⁹ He doesn’t hold on to the head, from whom the whole body, nourished and held together by its ligaments and tendons, develops with growth from God.

²⁰ If you died with the Messiah to the elemental forces of this world, why do you live as if you still belonged to the world? Why do you submit to regulations: ²¹ “Don’t handle, don’t taste, don’t touch”? ²² All these regulations refer to what is destroyed by being used up; they are commands and doctrines of men. ²³ Although these have a reputation of wisdom by promoting ascetic practices, humility, and severe treatment of the body, they are not of any value in curbing self-indulgence.^[j]

The hard truth is the greatest obstacle to our sharing of the Gospel, has become ourselves.

We are not known for our love, hope, and faith.

We are known for hate, judgement, and we lack the basic understandings of our faith.

We are guilty of quoting scripture out of context; or stating the Bible says something that can’t be found in any book, chapter or verse.  We look past certain scriptures as being “out dated” or part of a different “culture”  in one breath, while claiming we believe in the full authority of the scriptures in another breath.

We are unable to defend our faith, because we have not learned it.  We are not students of the word.  We are repeaters of other teachers.  And, even worse, we are repeaters of the teachers who say what we want to hear.  (2 Timothy 4:3)

We look to the scriptures to learn about ourselves.  How does this pertain to me, when we should be asking how it pertains to God.

We are no different than many of the churches in the NT days.

And difficult times are still ahead.

2 Timothy 3

But know this: Difficult times will come in the last days. ² For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, ³ unloving, irreconcilable, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, without love for what is good, ⁴ traitors, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, ⁵ holding to the form of godliness but denying its power. Avoid these people!

⁶ For among them are those who worm their way into households and capture idle women burdened down with sins, led along by a variety of passions, ⁷ always learning and never able to come to a knowledge of the truth. ⁸ Just as Jannes and Jambres resisted Moses, so these also resist the truth, men who are corrupt in mind, worthless in regard to the faith. ⁹ But they will not make further progress, for their lack of understanding will be clear to all, as theirs^[a] was also.

¹⁰ But you have followed my teaching, conduct, purpose, faith, patience, love, and endurance, ¹¹ along with the persecutions and sufferings that came to me in Antioch, Iconium, and Lystra. What persecutions I endured! Yet the Lord rescued me from them all. ¹² In fact, all those who want to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted. ¹³ Evil people and impostors will become worse, deceiving and being deceived. ¹⁴ But as for you, continue in what you have learned and firmly believed. You know those who taught you, ¹⁵ and you know that from childhood you have known the sacred Scriptures, which are able to give you wisdom for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. ¹⁶ All Scripture is inspired by God^[b] and is profitable for teaching, for rebuking, for correcting, for training in righteousness, ¹⁷ so that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.

We think that this warning in 2 Timothy 3 is about the world alone, but it isn’t.  This was a letter written to the church, about the things happening within the community and within the church.

We… the body of believers…. will become:

Lovers of self.

Lovers of money.

Boastful and proud.

Blasphemers.

Disobedient and Ungrateful.

Unholy, unloving, irreconcilable.

Slanderers, without self control.

Without love of what is good.

Traitors, reckless.

Conceited and lovers of pleasure over God.

We will hold to the form of godliness, but deny it’s power.

We will become so focused on loving people, that we will distance ourselves from The Word.  Or, we will become so legalistic to the Scriptures, that we will distance our selves from the people who need to hear it the most.

The lion doesn’t go after the animals in the pack, he goes after the one who is isolated, alone, and hurt.  Isolated from the body of believers, as we miss corporate worship.  Isolated from our sisters in Christ, as we hold grudges and fight against reconciliation.  Hiding from our family, instead of embracing them.  Isolated from the Word as we become more dependent on what others say about it, versus reading it for ourselves.  Isolated as we become too busy to – pray, study, attend service, fellowship with other believers.

Our “righteous” divisions are isolating ourselves from the greater body.

And we think we are being holy.

That we have some greater knowledge than they do.

That our self gratifying interpretation is better.

We argue with fellow believers instead of loving them.

We have become proud, and our pride is literally festering and manifesting itself in every area of our lives.

And then we wonder why we are not known by our love?

Our love, has been overshadowed.

We have overshadowed Christ, with our own self righteousness.

We want the world to see us, how holy we are, how knowledgeable we are, and how much will live “in accordance to the scriptures”.

But we are told that all of that means nothing, if we don’t have love. (1 Corinthians 13)

Being right, has become more important than love.

If you wonder why no one seems to listen to you, I wonder…

Are you the sound of love?  Or, are you just making noise?

INTERNAL MAKEOVER

I love watching shows about makeovers. I want to glean from the experts tips I can apply to my own life.  And, to be honest, there are moments I wipe the sweat from my brow and think “Whew, at least I’m not that bad.”

Brutal honesty folks, I’m not perfect.  Clearly.

More exciting to see, however, is when internal makeovers happen.

That is why we are drawn to romance stories.  The woman with the hardened heart that opens up to love again, swoon.  The bad boy that couldn’t be tamed, but that sweet girl changed his ways, swoonier.   For us believers, couple any of the above with someone coming to Christ in the process, swooniest.

As a mom, nothing gives me more hope than watching movies about prodigals… who went their own way, and then returned to mom, dad and God.  Swoonierest. (Yes, I am aware I am now making up my own words.)

We are drawn to internal makeovers because they give us hope, that anything that is happening our lives or  with those we love is not necessarily permanent. 

We hope that our husbands will change their boys nights out to family nights in.

We hope that our teenage kid will change from rebellion to joyful obedience.

We hope that our broken relationships will be mended because someone will see the error of their ways.

Internal makeovers give us hope because they mean there has been change, growth or progress.The problem with internal makeovers is that we can be paying to much attention to where others need change and ignoring that need in ourselves.

Matthew 7:3-5 NIV

³ “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

The prodigal may be the person you are looking at in the mirror.

Human nature tries to deflect in order to protect.  It is easy to give yourself a pass, when you can point to someone else and say they are worse than you are.  It’s easier to blame someone else for the problems in your life, than to accept accountability on your part.   You can avoid having everyone looking at you & your failures… when you can get everyone looking somewhere or someone else.Magicians use distraction in their tricks.  They want you to pay attention to something totally unrelated to their trick, so you are not watching the hand or mechanism making the trick work.  Deflecting attention away gives them a chance to keep their techniques hidden.  We use deflection to hide the truth we don’t want others to see.

I was reading a devotion one day, and it ended with a prayer.  The writer was asking God for an internal makeover, and I couldn’t help but say AMEN for myself.  I know there are still areas in my heart, mind and life that could use a make over.  There are areas where I have failed others, and myself.  I have struggled with forgiving others, forgiving myself.  I have struggled with selfishness and self preservation. I have struggled with control issues and obedience.  I have struggled with faith and commitment.  I have struggled with relationships.  I have struggled with my own self.

I needed an internal makeover.  I need to stop looking at others, stop deflecting, stop blaming, stop justifying… and WHOLLY SURRENDER.

In doing so, everything changed… and it is still changing.  I began to see things differently, and what amazed me the most was that those changes were visible to others.  They could see the change in me.  God put the right people in my life to encourage me in these times, people to affirm and guide, correct and suggest.  God also removed people from my life, that were stumbling blocks and toxic.  He removed negativity and discouragers, those who were holding me back or holding me down.  I found a freedom I didn’t have before, in my life… my thoughts… my heart.  A freedom that continues to grow and has allowed God to move me to places I never expected, and use me in ways I never imagined.

When you wholly surrender, and God starts that internal makeover, it’s can be a slow start but it builds momentum.

I also learned that before I could wholly surrender, I had to be broken.

Leading up to that moment, where I was ready for that internal makeover to happen… changes had to be made.  They were not easy, I didn’t understand it at the time, some of it was very painful, and admittedly I didn’t want it to happen.  I was actively fighting to keep certain things as the status quo.  Now, in retrospect, I see the purpose of it … even the pain.  I had to be stripped of everything that was standing in the way of my relationship with Christ, and keeping me from seeing the the truth about myself.

Ephesians 4:22-24To put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

Then something unexpected occurred.  The more I focused on myself and my issues, the less I cared about everyone else.  I was less interested in molding them into my idea of what was right & godly.  It isn’t my job to make anyone else more Christ-like, that is the job of the Holy Spirit…. a job I am entirely unqualified for.  My job is to keep my eyes on Jesus, my head in the Word, my heart filled with the Holy Spirit and do what God has called of me.
Lord, I pray that you will help me to keep my eyes focused on you, and my ears open to your calling.  So that when you call my name, I may answer that your servant hears you.  May I worry about my own righteousness and holiness over that of others so that I do not stand in judgment over others, but rather repentant over my own iniquities.  Continual renew to the new spirit your created in me, and allow me to be a teacher of words, but a living example of Christ. Amen.

Recommended Reading:  Romans 14:1-23

I FEEL LIKE I HAVE FAILED YOU

It’s been just one week since my nephew got married.  I’ve attended quite a few weddings in my life, but to be honest, this was probably one of the most God centered.  It was as if Jesus himself was sitting in the first row, smiling upon this holy union, a covenant made in His authority and for the glory of God.

It was a simple wedding, with delicate touches.  And, as I reflect upon it, I think that simplicity helped not detract our attention from who this marriage was really about.  It was about God.  In the beginning God created man, and felt man should not be alone.  From man’s rib he created woman.  He breathed life into them.  Joining them in the first marriage, a holy covenant not just between man and woman… but GOD, man and woman.

His importance in their lives and in this wedding was evident from the vows (which included biblical submission, the correct full version)… to the couple’s decision to celebrate holy communion together…. and even into the reception as they bound a cord of three threads.  It was felt in the very air around them, God was present.  He wasn’t just on the guest list… he was the guest of honor.  In fact, God had planned this wedding before a ring was on her finger, before they first time they spoke the words “hello”, even before bride and groom were taking their first steps holding onto their parents hands.

When they were engaged, my sister had shared with me that she has always prayed for her children’s future spouses.  Since they were babies, this was part of my sisters prayer life.  Little did she know the plans God had in store for her son, joining our family to one that not only amazing…. but as I have said numerous time, a family that feels like they have been here all along.  We just couldn’t see them yet.  Like distant relatives, you have been waiting your whole life in anticipation to meet.

When the hustle and bustle of wedding day was over, when the family had recuperated from the festivities… I began to feel pretty down.  Not about the wedding or this fantastic couple, but instead it was a conviction in my heart about my own family.  I sat in awe of this beautiful godly woman.  I knew in my heart that a large part of who she is was rooted in the parents who raised her.  As I looked to my own children, I felt like a failure.

I wondered, would God be such an important part of my own daughter’s wedding?  Had I dropped the ball on stressing the importance of that.  Then I felt conviction over every Sunday that I allowed her to stay home from church because she was tired, or I was tired of fighting to get everyone out of the house on time.  I felt conviction that I hadn’t stressed more the importance of finding not just a man who believes in God, but a strong believer who would lead the family.  My sister had definitely accomplished that with her son.

One evening, several days after the wedding, I was having a conversation with my eldest daughter.  First, I want to acknowledge that I am very grateful for the relationship I have with my daughter.  We speak about things that can, at times, be uncomfortable.  However, her candidness and honesty speaks volumes to the amount of trust she has in me.  You see, there is a very special guy in her life.  They speak of their future together.  His grandmother already refers to her as her granddaughter.   They are making plans, having conversations about marriage.  When to get engaged.  When to get married.  When to start having kids.  What they want to do between those steps.

Since my husband was unable to attend the wedding with us, her boyfriend came in his stead.  Which of course, brought wedding thoughts to her head.  So, we began talking.  I was asking her questions about the wedding,  specifically about what details she really liked.  I replied with a few things that caught my attention.  Then, I got quiet.  I turned away from her, I quietly said “I feel like I have failed you”.

This of course caught her off guard, and she asked me to repeat myself.  I turned back toward her, and said it again.  “I feel like I have failed you.”  She looked puzzled.  I explained all of my thoughts.  My conviction about letting her skip out on church.  My conviction that I hadn’t infused God into her life more.  I told her that I knew as a mom, my job was to shape my daughters to love God and make him central in their lives…. just like this beautiful bride.

She looked me in the face, with a big smile beaming and said … “Mom, I”m only fifteen.”

Yes, you dear sweet child, you are only fifteen.

My life mantra is that each day is a new chance to be better, to do better, to get it right.

In such few words, she expressed a lot.  There was wisdom and hope in those words.  There was no lack of rebellion or disinterest.  There was love and compassion.

There is hope for me yet.