Chronicling 40: Day 54 of 365

awkwardI was a little more than frustrated.  In the last couple of months I have read some articles that have centered around women in leadership in the church.  The comments that accompanied the articles were tough.

My first observation was that no matter how broadly the articles painted the scope of leadership, the comments were always focused on one area… women in the pulpit, or as Pastors.  I get that is an area that is full of contention, but I’m amazed at the narrow focus.  As if being a “Pastor” is the only way one can lead in the church.  There is a difference between leading a church and leading within the church.  But, based on the comments, it was as if blinders were keeping out all other possibilities.

In another article, it went a bit further and discussed some bigger issues in the way women have been treated in the church.  Woman after woman sharing stories that made my skin crawl. The woman who was told that it wasn’t rape if it was her husband.  The teen told to marry the guy who raped her an impregnated her.  The woman who was told that she needed to submit more and pray harder so that her husband would stop beating her.  The teen girls who were tired of their virginity being equated to bubble gum and gifts that were utterly destroyed once they were used up, as if Jesus couldn’t redeem this part of their life.

Did the comments address this hurts and pains?  Nope, they just continued to debate women in the pulpit.  Lord, help us.  I can recount my own conversation with a Pastor (not my own) who was talking about his church calendar, and how he can’t be everywhere all the time.  When I suggested that he look to some of the women in the church to help ease the load, he replied:  “The best thing the women in my church can do to help me is to take care of their husbands and children”.

What about about the unmarried women?  What about those who don’t have children?

What about our women who feel called like a Deborah, but accused of being a Jezebel for stating they feel called to lead within the church/ministry?

We read in the Scriptures that we are created in the image of God, that we are valuable, and worthy.   We read that we are given gifts and talents.  Yet somewhere, someone decided that the gifts and talents given to women amounted to volunteering in the nursery and making the coffee.

I know of women who lead in fortune 500 companies who can’t even lead a womens Bible Study in their own church.

How does that make sense?

I know of a woman with 30+ years in an industry who volunteered her services to the church, and they said no thank you and hired a young man right out of college.

How does that make sense?

Recently, someone shared with me that she felt that her gifts and calling were hindered in the church.  And that word “hindered” stuck out at me, because I read that several times in accounts from the book “Church Refugees” from Group Publishing.  The book is about the “Dones” in the church, the ones who after years of loyally serving are leaving the church and is actually the largest percentage making an exodus from the “institutional church”.

While I don’t necessarily agree with each individuals personal account (from a doctrine standpoint) there was a common thread of feeling “hindered” in the church from serving in a meaningful way.  And, these were not people who had been in the church a little while, or just come to faith.  Rather these are the people who had been long time members 10+years, faithfully serving, and hoping/praying that the church would see their calling as valuable and support it.  Eventually, they lost hope that they could ever affect change and took their gifts and talents to a place that would embrace them.

Many of the “dones” ended up plugging into community ministries; fellowshipping and serving with other believers as they serve their community.  This is a little scary to think about, because it means that 1. the church’s largest group leaving is comprised of it’s best and 2. the church is either blissfully unaware or blatantly ignoring the exodus.

What does this mean for the future of the church as we know it?

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Chronicling 40: Day 11 of 365

coffee

What is better than a strong cup of coffee?  A strong, faithful friend.

Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an

abundance of counselors there is safety.

Proverbs 11:14

40 has already put a strong focus in my heart toward community, but not just any community.  Intentional community.  Those who lift up and encourage, respect boundaries, have beneficial conversations full of love, and safe boundaries.

Grateful for conversations, like the one I had this morning.  Where you walk away feeling up lifted and encouraged, enjoying time with one another.  I don’t have the energy to be weighed down with negativity, frustration, et’al.

Building a community of strong, faithful, honest, and positive women is paramount to living a good life.  We are not meant to walk alone, but the live in community.  Bearing one anothers burdens, standing in the gap for each other.

Chronicling 40: Day 9 of 365

ontarget

I’m not entirely certain if this has something to do with turning 40, or that we had a ministry training this morning on budgets, but…

I went to Target and only bought what was on my list.  I walked out with five things.  FIVE. 

I’m counting this as a victory, because I exercised restraint. I did look.  I may have laid my hands on a few things, or raised an item or two off the shelf.  The important thing is that I put it down and kept walking.

Miracles.

You Can Not Hold Back the Dawn

dawn

 “For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may endure for a night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning.”

Psalm 30:5 AMP 

From a 1959 sermon by Reverend Leslie D Weatherhead entitled: The Religion of the Dawn…

“There is a dawn answer for every situation we encounter.  We cannot pretend there is no night.  Nothing can be done to hasten the dawn.”  But, “you cannot hold back the dawn”

[Christianity] is a religion of unquenchable faith and hope and patience; unquenchable because it believes the permanent thing is light and the passing thing is darkness; that however long the night, whether it be in world affairs or the poignant private world of the human heart, the night will pass.  You can’t hold back the dawn.  All affairs, private and world-wide are in the hands of a God who is in complete and final control and who has decreed the entire conquest of all evil and the final emergence of indescribable good.

Reverend Leslie D Weatherhead

We may face the coming darkness, because we have the promise of a glorious dawn.

To The Mothers (all of them)

mommyday

Happy Mother’s Day

To every mom…

… the ones waiting to see their children in heaven.

… the ones who gave up their baby for another to raise as her own.

… the ones who opened their doors to children who needed a mom.

… the ones who stand in the gap for the mothers who need help.

… the single mothers who are working this day to provide.

… the ones who are carrying precious cargo, eagerly awaiting the big day.

… the ones in the throws of parenting terrible twos, puberty, and all the hard stages.

… the ones going to high school and college graduations in the next few weeks.

… the ones who are praying for their prodigals to return home.

… the ones who are facing the empty nest for the first time.

… the ones who are wrapping their arms around their grandchildren, or raising their grandchildren.

… the ones who found motherhood through being a step mom or mother in law.

… the ones who mother, being part of the village it takes to raise a child.

… the ones who are missing their own mothers who are no longer with us.

To all of the mothers, where ever you are walking in this journey… thank you, you are a blessing to this world.

Feet Washing…

feetwashingJesus washed the feet of Judas, a few hours later Judas would betray him.

Foot washing displayed different significant things in Biblical times.

It put a person in a servant posture.  It was an act of humbleness and humility.  It was a necessary act.  A repetitive act, as well.

Something I read recently made a great observation about Jesus’ washing of the disciples feet.  First, it was pointed out that there was no servant there to do the job.  Second, they were already in the midst of the meal when Jesus’ took on the task.

When there was no servant there to handle the foot washing, it never dawned on the disciples to do it for each other.

Third, when Jesus began to wash Peter’s feet there was a protest by Peter.  He didn’t want Jesus to do something he felt was beneath the Messiah.  Jesus responded: “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me” (John 13:8); to which Peter then asked for a complete cleaning.  Which is exactly what happens when are spiritually cleansed… when the blood of Christ washes away all of our iniquity.

When He was finished, Jesus said “I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you” (John 13:15).

Remember the earlier point about it never dawning on the men to wash each other’s feet?  We have been commanded to be Christlike, to posture ourselves a servant for others.  To wash the feet of those who we love, and even those who will betray us.

We may wash feet with bowls of water, expensive oils, and perfumes.  We may dry those feet with soft towels or strips of linen.  Or, we may wash their feet with our tears and dry them with our hair (Luke 7:44).  We wash their feet when we drop off meals while they recover, or mow the lawns of the elderly.  We wash their feet when we grasp their hands, and provide a shoulder to cry on.  We wash their feet when we speak blessings over the friend and the stranger.

We wash their feet when we posture ourselves to serve, not be served.

The Apology I Didn’t Know That I Needed

TheapologyIdidntknowineededIn my previous two pieces, I shared about my experiences with this year’s Gospel Coalition Conference.  First, I shared my personal retreat reflections which helped me recognize that I had some issues where I was harboring some anger towards people that I needed to forgive.

Then, in the second piece, I shared how my mentoring session with Serge.org showed me other areas where anger had been rearing it’s ugly head in my life.  Anger is a sneaky sin, that can mask itself in many ways.  Some seeming obvious, others much more subtle.  I knew that I needed to address these issues.  There were people I needed to forgive, including myself.  I needed to preach the Gospel to myself every day, reminding myself how the Lord sees me vs. the lies I have been told.

The third reflection was the two moments in which someone who had never wronged me apologized for the wrongs others have committed.

This first time happened during my serge.org mentor session.  As you may recall in the session I shared about my ministry work, obstacles I was facing, and how I felt like a failure in certain aspects of the work.  While my mentor, Hunter, did shift the conversation to a more personal direction… the first thing he did before taking that turn was to apologize.  In fact, perhaps it was my response to the apology that confirmed for him that the personal direction was the path he needed to travel down.

He recognized that the obstacles I was facing were very wrong, and hurtful ones… and he apologized to me for it.  I have never expected an apology over any issue in my life.  Maybe I set my expectations too low, or experience has taught me that apologizes come less often than deserved.  Regardless, I have never expected a person who has never wronged me to apologize on behalf of others.  This apology was spoken directly to me, not in generalities and with complete sincerity.  It ushered in validation that I didn’t know I needed to hear, but clearly I did.  I needed to not only hear the words, but I needed to hear a man speak them.

His apology was still sinking in, when I attended a workshop on Pastors and Women in Ministry.  At the beginning of the session we were given instructions to put questions on cards for the panel and pass them forward.  In the latter half of the workshop, the panel members would try to get to as many questions as possible.  There was no way to get to them all and the moderator did a great job of trying to collate similar questions into one general concept.   One of the questions dealt with Women’s Ministry Leaders who didn’t feel supported by their church, another one came up about women who didn’t feel like their church valued their expertise or ministry skills, a third question about how to disagree with your Pastor respectfully when you are a woman with higher education in the field or expert on a subject, and some women just wanted to be trusted to lead well.

These questions were answered, but you could tell one of the panelists was uncomfortable by the similarities of the questions.  It was his turn to address the next question, but he paused with the need to address the questions of the hurt women in the group.  In a microphone, to a room filled with women and Pastors, at a workshop that would be recorded and listed on TGC’s media page for the conference for the world to hear… Pastor Sandy Willson spoke to the hurt women with a very simple, “I am so sorry.”

It was sweet, tender, and genuine.  It was spoken to the group at large, but in many ways I felt like it was directed right at my heart.  Tears filled my eyes.  Twice in one day, I would hear and receive an apology from a man who never wronged me.  And, twice it would impact me more than I expected and bring in a sense of peace.

In honesty, I suppose there are some people I wish would say they were sorry for treating me a particular way.  But, I believe pride has prevented that.  Which has allowed me to more forward knowing that until they deal with their pride, and apology will never happen.  I didn’t expect that I would need to hear from just anyone that they were sorry for the events that occurred.  I had no way of knowing how their apology could lighten my load and make my steps toward forgiveness come with such peace.

I find myself able to let go of it not only toward the specific people involved in those situations, but also realized that I had been projecting their behaviors on others.  I was lumping all the apples in to the bad pile, allowing one bad apple to spoil my feelings toward an entire group.  Instead of tossing the bad apples aside, and being thankful for the good ones.

And so, I want to pass this gift on to you.  Whomever you are.  I know that at some point someone treated you unfairly, spoke unkind words to you, broke your heart and your trust, and I know that sometimes these wounds are deep.

I am so, so, sorry.  I pray the Lord comforts you, that there will be people He will put in your path that will lift you up, and that you can forgive even those who don’t ask for it.