Failure…

Failure is a funny word to me, because I truly believe that we rarely utterly fail at something.  Sometimes, it is simply a matter of perception.  Follow along with me for just a moment on that thought before we get into the meat of this topic.

Below is a series of photographs from a wedding, several years ago.  At the time, I owned my own confectionary.  This was not my first big event, but it was my first wedding.  The bride wanted a confection bar full of candies, sweets, and treats.  She didn’t want a traditional wedding cake at all.  We decided upon some cupcake towers and a small cake at the top, which was adorned with their wedding topper and serve for the “cake cutting” part of the reception.

What you see here is a very well executed plan, right?  Wrong.  I had a MAJOR failure.  I promised her Jolly Rancher Cotton Candy.  I woke up that morning to make the fresh cotton candy, only to find that there was just too much humidity in air.  The cotton candy, which I had made dozens of times before, was melting before I could even bag it.  So, I bought some cotton candy that was pre-made and portioned it out into the bags.

The bride was happy, there were no gaping holes in the table set up, and there was not a single bag of cotton candy left over.

I failed.  Yes, it was due to circumstances outside of my control… but I still failed to deliver what I promised.  Even if, ultimately, I was really the only one who knew about the failure.

 

The next large event I catered was for a fundraiser.  I met with the planning team and they presented an adorable center piece concept.  They brought out super cute little tiered dessert stands. The plan was to have the stand filled with cupcakes. There would be a giant cupcake “topper”.  The small cupcakes were part of the dessert for the evening.  They would have table drawings for the centerpiece (inclusive of the giant cupcake topper, plus an additional 1 dozen mini cupcakes).  In addition they wanted gift bags for the VIP sponsor tables.  I was super excited to get started.  I measured out the centerpiece they provided to determine the number of cupcakes that it would hold.  Sent them a quote.  The order was set.

When I arrived the morning of the event to set up, to my shock… the tiered center pieces had be replaced.  They made the decision to go with something nicer, which was the right decision.  However, they neglected to inform me of the change.  These new centerpieces were MUCH larger.  Almost twice the width on every tier.  I placed the topper, the dozen mini cupcakes, and it was SPARSE.  I flagged down the coordinator, explained the problem, and she made the decision we would forgo the dozen cupcakes as part of the table prize and instead use them to fill up the tiers.

The following Monday, I received an email from the main chairperson.  She wanted a partial refund because I failed to produce the dozen cupcakes per table for the prize.  She was never informed by the coordinator, and thought I had shorted their order.  I explained what happened, who authorized the decision to use them, and apologize profusely.   In her response, she was very kind and canceled the request for the refund.  However, I never received another order from her or their organization again.

In this case there was a perception that I failed.  I knew that I hadn’t, and that I met my obligations.  However, based on what she could see… the chairperson perceived that I failed to come through.

This weekend I was reading an blog piece in which the author was brutally raw about her feelings, as she declared that Jesus had failed her family that year.  I was really stumped by those words. Jesus… who is perfect, flawless, dependable, truth… failed you?  I couldn’t understand it.  It didn’t seem possible.

In all the years of unanswered prayers, I’ve never felt like Jesus let me down.  Not once.  I can’t think of a time where I looked up to the heavens and declared “Lord, you really let me down this time.  I needed you to come through.”  I was struggling with every single time her words “Jesus failed me” flew past my eyes.  Yet, I not offended … angry … or hollering out “heretic”.

Perhaps, that is because in all of those times where things didn’t turn out the way I wanted them to… I blamed myself.  I told myself that the reason my prayer wasn’t answered or the Lord didn’t show up was because I failed Him.  I feel like I fail God daily.  I never feel good enough.  I question why in the world He would want to use me in ministry.

What I realized was that how we see things was very different.  I was seeing failure in the way I described the first scenario.  In some way, I failed to deliver on my end of the bargain… even if I did my best.  Even if I made up for it in someway.  Even if no one in the world knew or cared about it.  I knew.  I failed.  My focus was there on that place where I failed, versus the ways that I succeeded.

The woman who wrote the blog piece was more akin to my second example.  She was the chairperson who had expectations on how things were going to turn out.  She brought in the right people, and through no fault of her own in that scenario, something wasn’t right.  She turned to the person she trusted to come through, and she said “you failed me”.

You see, she ascertained that failure based on the limited amount of information she had.  She didn’t know that the centerpieces were different sizes, or that it would make a difference in the end product presentation.  She didn’t know that I was never informed of the change.  She wasn’t brought into the decision making being done on the spot to accommodate the changes, nor filled in after the fact of what happened & why.

When the Lord is working out things for us, we are not always clued in to what is going on in the background.  We can’t always see the people or situations that the Lord is coordinating into just the right places, at just the right times.  In fact, sometimes we never will.  We may never see those fingerprints where God was moving mountains and mustard seeds.  So, when the end product (or process) isn’t what we expected… we may feel like God failed us.  He didn’t come through.

On the other hand, we can become so focused on all of the areas where we ARE messing up… that we think we have failed God to the point He is ignoring us.  We may think He is deliberately keeping blessing from us.  We may even think that he is disciplining us.

In the first case, we are so focused on our perception of the situational outcome that we can’t see those who kept their word and did their part.  We don’t appreciate the people who were pressed into hard decisions.  We lose the ability to give people the benefit of the doubt.  We make assumptions, assign unjust blame.  Our vision becomes clouded to the work God is doing, the blessings that are coming, the people who did care, and the hundreds of little ways God came through with something BETTER.  Jesus never fails us, we just perceive that He did because we didn’t get the outcome we desired.

Or, we become so focused on how wrong and sinful we are.  We become so inwardly focused that we beat ourselves up, disqualify ourselves, and stamp FAILURE on our foreheads.  We make vows to never try again, step away from commitments or ministry work, and wallow in how terrible we think we are.  We put up our hands to the Lord, shouting STOP… I can’t be used.  I’m a failure, not Jesus.

Christ died because we are failures at keeping God’s statutes and commands.  Throughout the Old Testament, on a repetitive cycle…   God would move, the people would celebrate, the people would forget, the people would fall & cry out, and God would rescue.  By the time of the New Testament, when Jesus enters the arena… God’s ultimate plan of redemption for his people who just can’t keep it together on their own.  In her piece, she repeated a few times that she waited for Jesus to rescue her… and He didn’t.  I would contend… HE ALREADY DID, ON CALVARY.

And, in that moment we were given victory over sin and death.  We are not failures, but perfected in Him.  By His stripes we are healed.  We need to keep our eyes on Him, not ourselves.  Trusting His word, even when we don’t understand what is happening around us… or God seems quiet or far.

Then, I read the article a 2nd time.  Something else jumped out at me, and we are going to talk about that next time.

We Need Roots to Grow, To Fruit.

Have you been there?  In the place where the Lord has given you a talent and calling, and yet you don’t ever seem to be able to actually USE it?  It can be a very confusing time, frustrating even.  Perhaps, however, our eyes have been to focused on the finish line that we neglected the process to get there.

I just finished reading Banning Liebscher’s book ROOTED, and I found myself taking my sweet time to get through his message.  Usually, I can finish a book of this size in a weekend.   This time, I would often set the book down for a few days to really think about the points Liebscher was making and looking at my own calling and periods of waiting on the Lord.

If you have any gardening experience you know the importance of a good root system.   Take a beautifully potted plant and pop it in the ground, and you’ll see the plant go into shock and die.  Why?  You didn’t take the time to tend to the roots before you planted it.  A seed dropped in good, fertile soil will produce strong plants in comparison to seeds careless scattered among the rocks. 

Banning Liebscher takes the time to set the context of his book into the Parable of the Soils, and then walks through the value of having solid roots in order that we may grow, and bear fruit.  Not just some fruit, but a lot of fruit.  Not just any fruit, but GOOD fruit.  Not just a temporary harvest, but a long and lasting life of fruit bearing.  But, in order to do this … we must have GOOD ROOTS.

Often when we are waiting for the Lord to reveal our calling or make a move, we feel like nothing is happening.  Yet, it is during this time when the Lord is working on our roots.  He has fashioned life around us, opportunities, and put people in place to create a fertile soil in which we can grow.  Then, like a good farmer, He tends to those seeds.  Weeds are pulled, water and nutrients are provided, and He carefully watches over for disease and pests.

Then after all of the work of preparing the soil, tending to the seeds, building up the roots, caring for the shoots… suddenly life bursts out of those gardens.  And it produces fruit, a lot of fruit. Good fruit.  If we want to produce a lot of good, long lasting, fruit… we have to start with our roots.  That means we dig into the Word, build our relationship with Christ, allow the Holy Spirit access to our lives to move it and shape it, and trust that the Lord’s plans will always be good.  We just need to trust in Him who we have faith in. 

If you are ready to start working on those roots, Liebscher’s book ROOTED is a great way to prepare the soil of your heart to receive, foster, and bear the fruit of God’s Word and Love.

How Deep is Your Faith?

Some of you may recall that back in June I experienced quite a bit of delays trying to fly out to a conference in Indianapolis.  The benefit that came from those delays was the amount of time it gave me to dig into this book without many distractions.  I had no idea how much that reading was going to impact me while in a city far from my own, and would linger since returning home.

In the beginning I thought this was going to be a book about deepening my faith.  In many ways I was right.    Exposing shallow faith, where law becomes an idol, and the wake we can leave behind when we are not walking in love and grace.  Recognizing that we have to do more than go through the motions, and that there will be times our faith will take out out of comfort zones into the deep end of the waters.  Pushing ourselves to a deeper understanding of the scriptures and what the Lord expects of us as a response to His Word.

What I didn’t expect to happen was the deeper convictions I was going to feel about how I interacted with this world.  Who was I serving?  How was I serving?  Was it easy, comfortable?  Did it require much of me?

I was great at serving those in my church, but what about the “least of these”?  What real needs have I been engaging?  Was I limiting the Gospel?  Was I limiting my service?  Was I talking a good talk but not walking along with it?  These questions were bouncing through my mind, as I sat in the airport… waiting.

Having a ministry position where I train other leaders, my biggest burden at that point was…

Am I training leaders who are going to go out and serve their people well … or are we just learning how to put on another successful event?  Are we playing ministry or living it?

Had I allowed the Gospel to be too small, was I not seeing the big picture?

This is where the book took me on a new journey about serving, loving, and living the Gospel out in real tangible ways.  Where it becomes more than talk.  Brandon Hatmaker’s words were reeling in my head, as I was walking back to my hotel after the conference let out for the evening.  It was late.  That is when Gregory made eye contact with me.

Gregory walked up to me, tears in his eyes. He was a homeless man, and he was hungry.  I don’t carry cash on me, but directly behind me was a restaurant.  It wasn’t fancy, but it was a better meal than a fast food place.   In Indianapolis, I met a man named Gregory who was from my home state.  I could smell the alcohol on his breath.  I wasn’t sure if I believed his story about being mugged and just needing a few dollars for some food.  It didn’t matter, I knew the man was hungry.

As we walked into the restaurant, Gregory was still crying.  He was sorry for bothering me.  He was sorry for asking. He was sorry for taking our time.  He asked for very little, but I told Gregory to order whatever he wanted.  He first asked for just a sandwich, but I told him to order more.  He gently asked my friend, “Do you think she’d let me have fries too?”.  She smiled and said absolutely, and immediately followed that up with inquiring what he wanted to drink.    In the end we had two sandwiches, french fries, and a large drink for Gregory.   He was grateful, his tears and slurs made him almost inaudible at times.

We prayed over Gregory before we left to return to our hotel.  It sounds like a beautiful moment, doesn’t?

What I neglected to share until this point, was the response of others.  The manager, saw Gregory walk in with us.  She approached us, looked right past my friend and I.  To Gregory, she spoke directly… “Looks like you convinced these nice ladies to buy you a meal.  You can wait here for it, but you can’t eat it outside.  You’ll need to take it and go.”

Her response was as if my friend and I were naive out of towners, taken advantage of by this con-man.  It was insulting to our intelligence and demeaning to Gregory.  He was now a paying customer, and should have been treated as such.  Gregory didn’t leave our thoughts for the rest of the trip, and quite often we prayed for him.  We didn’t see him again before it was time to leave.

Layovers and delays on my return flight home, I kept reading.  Over and over again, I found myself writing in the margins (next to a piece of text)…  Gregory.

From the book:

“It’s true that giving a sandwich to a homeless man on one day is not going to end hunger on the streets of your city.  But it will bless that man today.”

and in another passage:

“You see, after Jesus taught the most significant sermon in the history of time, Jesus didn’t make his way to the next sanctuary to meet  with the religious. He made his way to the next street corner to meet with the outcast. 

By meeting him in his greatest need, Jesus restored more than the man’s health; he restored his dignity. “

Gregory.

A Mile Wide opened my eyes to see so much more than how deep my own faith was, but my willingness to go the distance for my fellow man.  It changed my vision and scope of how ministry was supposed to look, and how I was going to change the way I approached our ministry work of training leaders.  It inspired me to a bigger Gospel.  A global Gospel.  A Gospel that feeds the man on the corner, that restores dignity, fights for justice, helps the Great Commission with feet on the ground.

Lord, I pray for Gregory tonight… where ever he lays his head.  I pray Lord, when I return to Indianapolis next year… I see his face again and we can break bread together.  Keep him safe, bring him to healing, and if I can’t see him again… let it be because he has returned to his family.  I pray for the hardened hearts that have forgotten that Gregory and those who are like him… are human beings made in your image.  Let us treat them as you would.  Amen.

More Than Words

The email comes:

“Please pray for our family, my husband lost his job today.”

The text message arrives:

“Prayer request, my daughter has cheer try outs today.  This means a lot to her.”

She stops you in the sanctuary:

“I have a doctor appointment this week, they found a lump.  Would you pray for me?”

You pass the terrible accident…

A person keeps coming to mind, maybe someone you haven’t thought of in years…

At bible study you jot down all those names and requests during prayer and share time…

“I’ll pray for you!” –you promise.

“I should pray for that person…” – you consider.

Your intention are good.  The moment passes, the day passes, weeks pass.  You read the headline about the fatal accident you passed by.   You learn from mutual friends that an old friend of yours (that name that kept coming to mind) lost everything to a house fire.  The woman catches you in the sanctuary and thanks you for your prayers, her tests came back clear.

But, you didn’t pray.  You forgot.  You didn’t mean to forget, you were sincere in your promises.  Distractions got in the way.  Life interrupted.  Your own problems grabbed your attention.

We must be more than words, when we agree or offer to pray for our brothers and sisters in Christ.  Being distracted shouldn’t catch us off guard, we know how life goes.  Instead, we need to be intentional and take a step beyond words.

Stop in the moment and pray for the person, instead of putting on your to do list.  Grab her hand and lead her to another woman in the church, pray together for her corporately.   Even when you a driving, when you can’t bow your head and close your eyes… we can still call out to the Lord while we drive past the scene of an accident or hear sirens in the distance.  Email or text back a written prayer, so that your friend can see your words and return to them as she needs to.

Prayer is a beautiful conversation between us and the Lord.  Talk often.  Pray when you can pray, cry out when the words fail you.  But, when others come to you for intercession… be present with them in that moment of trial.  Stop what you are doing.  Pray.

So… I saw Bad Moms, and I laughed.

In case you don’t have any clue what movie I am talking about, here is a promo shot:

First, I’d like to admit right out of the gate I didn’t walk into this movie with naive expectations.  The trailers gave a pretty good indication that there would be some inappropriate humor.  Second, I am not planning on giving away any spoilers.  There were definitely some parts I thought the movie could have lived without, not only for the story line but even in the presentation.  Sometimes it could go too far.  Third, there were some parts of this that were REALLY unrealistic when you are talking about any group of moms.  Lastly, there were also a LOT of truths.

Overall, I laughed and I laughed hard.  At one point I laughed so hard (as I was taking a sip from my straw) that I pushed air through the straw, which caused a small tidal wave in my cup, and that resulted in my drink landing in my eyes.  Which just caused a whole other fit of laughter for myself and those sitting around me.  I laughed until I cried and my stomach hurt.  Yet, there were some moments that I nodded in solidarity.  There were moments that were uncomfortable.  And, yes… as I said before totally unnecessary.

What I want to write about (and I’m up for conversation too) is WHY a movie like this not only resonated with moms but was drawing us in like moths to a flame.

My first thought is probably the most obvious, there is an enormous amount of pressure on moms to be it all, do it all, and do so perfectly.  Whether it is the perfect birthday party, bento box lunches, or simply making it to every school and sport activity… we feel the pressure.  We notice so much of what is around us, like the mom who has the perfect hair and make up in the parent pick up line… when we were struggling to get out of the house with a bra under our pajama shirt.  We see the kids with the perfectly styled hair, accessories, and sparkling white sneakers…. and we just spent the last 40 minutes looking for eyeglasses or a belt.  Other moms dropping their kids off early, and we are 10 minutes late because we had to go back home and pick up the flute that was left behind… or because our darling child took 15 minutes to brush her teeth.

How do these moms do it?  We cast shade in their direction, but really we are asking ourselves… why can’t I do it?

I think there are a number of moms who have run the scenario through their head of just saying no.  No to the requests by the husband, kids, school, coaches, etc.  An opportunity to just walk away from the pressure and enjoy life again.  To make the choice of not being the perfect mom anymore, and instead be the bad mom.

This brings me to my second thought, as you watch the trailers you see a group of women having fun. We are not talking bunko party fundraiser fun, but the kind of fun we had as teenagers  and young single adults.  The fun we had when we didn’t care what others thought, where it was ok to be silly, and there was an expected freedom in the general knowledge we were going to make mistakes and bad choices.  It takes us back to a time when we didn’t have to be an adult, and could just let loose and be free.

With motherhood came some sort of unwritten code of conduct, that we couldn’t be silly anymore.  We began to take everything too seriously, including ourselves.  Let’s face it, books and the advice of television “experts” reinforced this.  Reminding us over and over again that it was time to grow up, put away childish things, and get our heads out of the clouds.  As we did this, many of us sent fun sailing away for good.  We stopped smiling, we stopped laughing, and we stopped being silly.

The movie Bad Moms called out to that free spirit inside of us, that desperately wanted to laugh… and laugh hard.  So, it pulls out all the stops.  The women let loose in a way we couldn’t, and we live vicariously through them.  They say the things that roll through our minds & do the things we secretly wished we could.  (Ok, maybe not all of the things they say and do, but you get the point).

I also believe this appeals to Christian women so deeply because of the bar that is set for our expected behavior.  If other moms are feeling the pressure to be perfect in their every day life, Christian moms understand the additional expectations put on the Christian mom.  To have perfect children that love Jesus, quote the bible, volunteer with the elderly, and gladly donate all their birthday money to the missions fund.  To be women who are serious about the study of the Lord, leading small groups, inviting women over to mentor and pray together, to dress in simple clothes, and be ever diligent in our choices of entertainment.  There is a pressure that all of our time should be so seriously focused on Christ, that we can’t let loose and laugh until our sides hurt.

Confession… I saw the movie on opening night.  It’s taken me almost a month to admit I saw it, because frankly… I expected to be judged for it.  I was worried about what my church friends, my readers that look to me for wisdom, the women or leaders who are reading through my blog trying to decide if I would be the right speaker for their next women’s event… what would these people think of me?

I learned something from the movie though… my eyes were opened to how long it had been since I had laughed so much and so hard.  I realized how seriously I take myself and made the decision not to.  I embraced that silliness is okay and even healthy for my kids to see.  I made the decision that I wanted to laugh more, but with those whom I am the closest to… not a theater full of strangers.  I want that girl posse who has my back, in the most biblical way possible… and who will be silly with me.  Women who know how to laugh, smile, and stop trying to be something that is impossible to attain… perfect.

All of those parts of the movie that I thought were unnecessary, they don’t have to be part of my life.  But the good stuff… I welcome it.  We are all GOOD MOMS despite our imperfections and the times we muck things up… because we are LOVING MOMS.  In the end that is what matters.  The Lord didn’t call us to a life of misery, but of fulfillment and joy as mothers… and laughter.  So much laughter.

Beautification Proximation

There is a phenomenon that is rarely discussed (but well known) when you live in the burbs, the zero lot line… small yard, everyone is super close to each other neighborhoods.  This is phenomenon is called the “Mowed Lawn Phenomenon”.   Many are impacted by it’s domino effect.

It starts simply, OCD neighbor mows his lawn as he does every Saturday at 8am.  His neighbor notices that OCD man is out there mowing as usual, and sees his nice and tidy yard.  Within a short amount of time, the neighbor also realizes that his lawn needs to be mowed as well.  By the end of the day, the lawn is mowed.  Mr. Works on Saturday comes home after a long day and sees the mowed lawns next to him.  He realizes it is also time to mow his own lawn, as it is looking pretty shabby.  On Sunday, after church, he mows his lawn.  This continues until the whole neighborhood has collectively mowed their lawn.

Until OCD neighbor mowed his lawn, no one realized how shabby their lawn looked.  In fact, even Mr. OCD may not have realized his lawn was shabby either.  He was mowing because that is part of his Saturday routine, whether the lawn needs it or not.  But certainly after mowing, Mr. OCD had a measure of satisfaction in how his yard now looked in comparison to his neighbors.

What I have begun to realize is that this is more than just a phenomenon related to mowed yards.  It’s really Beautification Proximation.  When a neighbor gets a new mailbox, suddenly we think “Hey, we probably need one too”.  Someone in the neighborhood starts a landscaping project?  By the next week the everyone in the neighborhood made a trip to Lowes.  Paint your house?  Let the painting parties begin.

My husband and I decided to paint our house this summer.  By my husband and I, I actually mean my husband… and I blame Dave Ramsey because my husband was holding out for a sale on the paint.  And of course, who paints during the SUMMER in Florida????  Which means paint was on sale trying to talk people into this nonsense.  But, I digress.

We decided to replace the lawn chairs that were in rough shape with some newer ones that fit the house theme better.  Our old ones went to the curb, we knew in less than 24 hours they would be picked up.  To my surprise a neighbor knocked on our door to ask about the chairs before just taking them.  He complimented us on how the house was coming together.  I thanked him.  He then pointed out that now his wife wants to paint their house.  I apologized.  We laughed a moment, and as I walked into the house I shouted to my husband…

“I told you it would happen….”

He replied, “What?   Someone already picked up the chairs?”

“Well, yes.  But that’s not what I’m talking about.  I told you that as soon as we were done painting the house… the neighbors would start.”

I saw it coming.  I knew that a fresh coat of paint was inspiring and motivating… just like new plants in the garden, cutting down old dying trees, and a freshly mowed lawn.  It is the nature of “Beautification Proximation”.

Which basically means when we are near something beautiful, we desire to be beautiful. When we are near something beautiful, new, repaired, or well conditioned… we are more apt to notice our own flaws, chipping paint, and overgrown gardens.  When we see others working hard to make something more beautiful, we are motivated to work hard too.  Which is why we are more committed to going to the gym when we have a friend to go with.  It’s why I painted a house in July… because my husband was out there working hard.

“Beautification Proximation” also shows up when we see something or someone change, and we too desire that change.   A sick person gets healthy, and we want to know how they did it… so that we can be healthy too.  A woman with a hard heart comes to Jesus, and those around her see that change in her… and they want that change for themselves.  When a neighborhood that has been neglected decides to hit the streets cleaning up trash, painting buildings, replacing broken signs, and fixing potholes in the street; we call it a “Neighborhood Beautification Project”.  This project on a main street is meant to inspire the surrounding streets and neighborhoods to do the same.

There is another “Beautification Proximation” that happens when we surround ourselves with people who are different than us.  People who have different life experiences, different backgrounds, different history, different trials and tribulations, different colors of skin, and their day to day lives are full of different interactions than our own.  The more we surround ourselves with the beauty in these differences, the more we change inside.  We see their beauty, created in the image of God.  We see the unfair treatment and injustice they face, despite being created in the image of God.  We can no longer cast our eyes aside and justify what happens in the world.  Instead, we are motivated to change.

When we recognize the beauty of others who are different than ourselves, when we see the trials they overcome, the smiles they wear in spite of fear/worry/anxiety… we want to be part of that beauty.   We begin to see the tatteredness of our own ways.  We become more aware of our careless words, privilege, and attitudes that are not honoring our brothers and sisters, WHO WERE MADE IN HIS IMAGE.  We begin a beautification project in our very soul, because of the proximation we are to beauty around us… because beauty comes from ashes too, when we rise up together and say NO MORE.

Beauty comes from having a heart that loves the Lord.. and to love the Lord, is to love His Word.. .and his Word tells us that we are to love one another.

Lord, create in me a clean heart Lord.  Give me the eyes to see your creation, in all of it’s glory, as you do.  So that in all things I see, I know that it is very good.  Give me a voice that speaks against anything that brings harm to your creation, and those whom you have created in your image.  Give me hands to help, feet to walk, eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart the loves. Amen.

A Fixer of Things

Some people are just fixers.  It wasn’t until a very recent conversation that I realized how much I fall into that category.  I love solving problems.  I appreciate seeing something that once functioned poorly, now working effortlessly.   I have fixed the dishwasher, saving my husband from having one more thing to do when he gets home (or money in parts, replacement).  I have fixed organizations and systems, friends problems, etc.

I also realized this is something I have always been fairly good at doing.  In high school, I helped fix our dwindling Drama Club.  In college, I wrangled in a campus club that was off kilter.  In my career in retail sales, I would be moved from department to department & store to store, solving problems that others couldn’t.  I prided myself in my ability to see the problem, find the solution, and execute that solution in an expedited fashion that would save money.

I didn’t realize it, but my affinity for fixing things is quite like a hunter on the prowl.  He looks for his prey, I look for problems.  He locks eyes on his target, I come up with a plan.  He brings down his game with grace and precision, and I execute my solution effortlessly.  The hunter walks away with the satisfaction of a “good kill”, and I pat my back with the satisfaction of a “good job”.  However, we do not linger in that satisfaction.  Instead we already begin to set eyes on what comes next.

In recent years, big game hunters get a lot of heat on the internet.  The reason?  People don’t see the need for the hunt.  We have plenty of food in this country, so what reason could someone possibly have for wanting to kill big game animals?  They see it as unnecessary.  Not everything needs to be hunted down for the sake of hunting.

What finally hit me, as I was enjoying serious conversation with a very wise friend, was that not everything needs to be fixed for the sake of fixing things.  We have all heard that phrase:  “don’t fix what isn’t broken”.  Which is totally something that I deep down believe.  I’m not one for reinventing the wheel, or trying to make something better that is actually functioning well and doing it’s intended job.  That didn’t prevent me from being on the hunt to find something to fix.

After solving one problem, I needed somewhere else to put to use my gifts and talents.  I wasn’t content not having some sort of project to work on.  So, I would find my next target.  However, I’ve learned a new phrase:  “not everything that is broken wants or needs to be fixed”.  Even more convicting is the phrase: “not everything broken is supposed to be fixed by me”.  Let’s unpack those thoughts a bit.

Not Everything That is Broken WANTS to be Fixed:

This scenario often deals with people more than things or projects.  You may be watching a person spiral out of control, personally or professionally.  But, unless that person truly wants help any attempt to fix it is going to be pushed away.  We can talk until we are blue in the face, throw suggestions and solutions in their direction, but none of it will matter if they don’t want to hear it or change their lives.

A friend who is struggling through addiction, who has begun having an affair, who is blowing all of their money shopping, etc… are all REAL problems.  But if the person is not at a place to desire change, you can’t fix them.  And, it’s not our job to convict their spirit to desire those changes.  That is up to the Holy Spirit, which is a job that none of us are qualified for.  This doesn’t mean that we don’t pray for them, and even make ourselves available for when they are ready.  It does mean, however, that we are not going to beat a dead horse.  The more we push, when they are not ready, the more they are going to distance themselves.

Even in ministry work, if you see that the ministry is dysfunctional… but you are the only one that seems to have a problem with it…. then it may not want to be fixed.  You have to be willing to step back.  We must pray that the Lord would put His hands on the situation and bring about the desire for change or repair.

Not Everything That is Broken NEEDS to be Fixed:

Many years ago I was lamenting to my husband about a problem I was seeing in an organization that I was volunteering with.  I could see the writing on the wall, if these issues were not fixed the ministry was going to fold.  It broke my heart to see that happen, because I believed in the potential of their work.

My husband, in his wisdom, pointed out that perhaps God didn’t want it fixed?  Even though the work they were doing was good, it may not be Kingdom work.  If it’s not Kingdom work, then the Lord may have better use of those people and resources.  I had to be willing to let it die, so that something better could be born.

We can spend many hours super gluing a shattered plate back together.  Carefully piecing it together, using the best of our tools to get the job done, but the second it gets the slightest tap… it shatters back into pieces.  There are times where things are broken beyond repair, to spend so much time trying to fix it becomes a waste of our time, resources, and the gifts the Lord has given us.  We must seek God’s discernment on whether something is worth saving.  Just because we can save a ministry, program, church, event, etc… doesn’t mean we should.

There are times where a group or project is not functioning well, but getting the job done.  We can see the hundred ways it could run better, and even the greater potential that is being overlooked.  However, those who are overseeing it may not desire anything greater than what it is currently doing.  It may not need to be fixed, because the job is getting done and the details of the “how” are really not important.  We need to seek God’s wisdom in knowing when something doesn’t need to be fixed at all, or when it’s simply not my job to do it.

Not Everything That is Broken is MY JOB to Fix:

Quite some time ago, I was involved in a ministry project.  Each team member had a very distinct role, and I was fulfilling my part.  However, I was seeing that another portion of the project was struggling.  I offered my opinion to the person in charge.  It was dismissed.  I offered my help, I was turned down.  In my arrogance, I tried to assert myself more.  This resulted in a come to Jesus meeting, and I was the one invited.

The fellow leader was brutally honest with me.  “I know this isn’t coming along perfectly.  I know that you could do a better job.  If you want my job, just tell me.  Otherwise, I need you to let me do this my way. Right or wrong.”   She was absolutely right.  She never asked me to come in and fix it, she wasn’t even in denial that there were some problems. It simply wasn’t my job to fix it.  It was up to her, to do the job she was entrusted with.  I apologized immediately, and I learned a tough lesson.

What I find almost humorous about this, as I reflect, is that one of the things that gets on my nerves the quickest is…. unsolicited advice.  But, there I was… dishing it out.

Occasionally, everyone can see the problems in the organization or project.  You may have all the answers, but in simple terms… it’s not your job.  The Lord may have someone else who is going to work those problems out.  The Lord may need the ministry to stumble in your absence to draw attention to the bigger issues.  Or, the Lord may have a greater plan that what you can imagine down the road.  He may be trying to get you out of the way, so that He can do something beyond comprehension.

Because no matter how much you think you can do to fix the problems, hiccups, and hold backs… HE CAN DO GREATER.  We need to be in prayer that we would not only get out our own way, but even more so that we get out of God’s way.  Let Him do the work, open the doors, and work out the miracles.  All you need to figure out is if you are going along for the ride, or if He is directing your gifts and talents to another ministry.

In the end…  generally speaking… if something is broken and we have the capacity to fix it, we should.  This piece isn’t about standing back and doing nothing.  Instead, this piece is a reminder that all the things we can do need to be in surrender to God, His glory, and His plan.  If we seek Him before we act, we will understand our role.. to fix, to pray, to let go, or to step aside.

Avert Your Eyes

Women are a funny creation, I’d love to have a one on one conversation with the Creator of the World about how women work.  I want to know how much of our way of thinking, behavior, etc is just “how we are wired” and how much is a result of the fall.  How emotional did God really want for us to be?  How complicated were we intended to be?  When woman first bit that piece of fruit, why is it that her mind became a pile of yarn balls all unraveled and going in so many directions at once?  Why did men get the capacity to compartmentalize things and function so differently with thought and deed?  We both ate of the tree of knowledge, yet our brains work so entirely differently.  Why?

It is a mystery.

Interestingly enough, what also happened after woman bit that apple… she saw herself.  She felt shame and guilt.  And, she hid from God.  Until that moment, the Lord had blinders on her eyes.  She saw Him, she saw Adam, she knew her God given task and purpose.  When she bit of the apple, those blinders fell off.   “What if” entered the world.  “What if God didn’t say ….”.  “What if I take a bite…”.  “What if I didn’t hear God correctly…”.

What if.

Throughout the scriptures there are cries out to God to be seen.  See me, search me, do not cast your face from me, see your people, hear your people, help your people…

Eve hid from God.  Eve said… do not see me.  Do not find me.  Do not cast your gaze upon me.  Do not search me.   She didn’t want to be found in her shame and her guilt.

Avert your eyes.

But the Lord looked for them, he sought them out in their shame, held them accountable, and then as He always does… he made a way out.

I’ve known so many women who want to be seen.  They want their spouses to see them, instead of take them for granted.  They want their children to see them,  and consider them worthy of praise.  They want their parent to see them and apologize for past hurts.  They want their boss to see them and recognize their efforts.  They want their church to see them and welcome their gifts.  They want world to see them and say you add value and are worthy to know.

And yet, some of these same women will hide from those who see too much.   When a spouse gets too close, and they feel vulnerable… they push him away.  When the children begin to see through her perfect mom facade, she builds up taller walls and come up with new covers to her sin.  A parent who desires to fix the past will be kept at arms reach because of fear, we do not want to be hurt again.  Women don’t want their bosses to know how much they sacrificed for the job, because they fear it shows weakness vs. strength.  A woman  who wants the church to see her gift but hides the journey to faith that brought her there.  Women who want the world to see them, but only the parts they want to be seen.

Women are complicated creations.  By our design or as a result of our choices, we seem to have the ability to complicate our lives even more than they need to be.  We say we want authenticity in our friendships, but we do not want vulnerability.  We say that we want iron sharpens iron friendships, yet we do not understand that for iron to be strengthened it’s weaknesses must be exposed.  We would rather our friends look up at us as a model of inspiration versus walk with us through our valleys.  We put on a show, get a circle of friends, build relationships… always keeping our arms stretched out so that no one can get too close.

From a distance our cracks and fractures are not as noticeable.  From a distance we can put on a show and no one can see us reading from the cue cards.  From a distance our grand actions are easily seen but our slight of hand goes unnoticed.  From a distance we look holy and righteous, masking our sin and deprivation.  From a distance we appear to have it all together, all of the right answers, the perfect family… no one can see the brokenness behind our closed doors.

Social media has made the perfect playground for superficial relationships, because we can connect with hundreds and thousands of people… posting our perfectly thought out words, edited photographs, and stories spun to make our lives look like a highlight reel of perfection.  When those people began to infiltrate our real lives, and see how we really live… that facade can only last so long.  When they get too close and begin to the see the truth, we cut them out and replace them with someone new.  Cycling our “friends” in and out of our lives to protect the image we have created for ourselves.

We tackle authenticity from a place of mentor to mentee versus a mutual relationship of accountability.  We want others to be authentic with us, so that we can use our gifts, talents, knowledge, wisdom, et’al to help them.   Yet we dare not expose the thorns in our sides, the planks in our eyes, and our sin to those whom we consider our closest friends.   When they come across them and call our attention to it, we are quick to dismiss it.  Quick to blame, and quick to create distance.  We speak truth in love, but I question how much love is really there.  We speak personal conviction as biblical mandate, standing on a soap box of righteousness that is filled with worms.  We are quick to label others sins and quantify them as more terrible than our own, so that when the time comes we can stop the friendship and feel no remorse.

Righteous indignation is easier than self retrospection.

So, we hide.  We hide from God under the guise that our sin is not as bad as others.  We tell ourselves that God is angrier about greater sins in the world, than this little thing I have done.  We hide from those who love us, because we fear that if they see us for who we really are they will leave… judge… or hold us accountable to change.  We hide from ourselves by focusing so much on how others have wronged or hurt us, that we can put our own sin on the back burner.

We want others to avert their eyes to us, while we look at them under a microscope.

Lord help us to be vulnerable with one another, to walk our roads not alone but in the company of our family of believers, let us not fear accountability, and help us to stop hiding from you.

Coloring Books! Scripture! I’m in!!!

I was really excited when this coloring book set arrived from B&H Publishing for me to review.  Who doesn’t want to “review” a coloring book!!!!  So, I cracked open the first book and began coloring away.  The pages are super smooth, but they are not pure white.  If you want to have a brilliant white in your finished piece, you’ll want to use a white crayon, pencil, gel stick, or gel pen.  Other than that, I was really impressed with how smoothly my colored pencils glided on the page, which made controlling how dark or light the color went on much easier.  Even though the books are smaller than most coloring books, the details were not so fine that I couldn’t saturate the spaces.  Their size makes them super convenient for travel too.  In fact, I’m heading to a conference in a few weeks and I’ll be packing these for my plane ride.

Some pages are images to color, others include scripture references (like the photo above), and there are also some that have prompts where you can journal your thoughts.  Almost every page has some white space that you can add your own personal thoughts to, albeit some have greater space than others.

There are pages that contain single images, as well as some where it is one image that bridge across the page.  If you want to pull these pages out for framing, there is no perforation and the spine doesn’t open totally flat.  Therefore, it can be difficult to get into the very center.  If you intend to frame the images, then you may want to use a paper cutter to slice through the spine.  This will allow you to color all the way to the inside edge.

After I walked through some of the pages in the first book of the SET… yes loves, it is a SET.  I realized that the second book is full of empty pages!!!!  Be still my heART!   Maybe you are not really artsy, the first book can be great inspiration to help you dive into the second book.  Perhaps you want to use the second book to record your thoughts as you work through the first book.  Or, let it be a blank canvas for releasing your own designs and thoughts.  I decided I wanted to use it as a prayer journal.  The pages are super thick, which allowed me to use a nice bold black marker without it bleeding through the page.

This set is a perfect “thinking of you” gift, hostess gift, birthday gift, stocking stuffer… or a “sorry your bored in the hospital here is something to do” gift.

Most places offer this book for under $12!

Definitely a set I would recommend, whether you consider yourself creative or not.

Sometimes, I make the Enemy’s job too easy.

I am a planner.  I will create an agenda for my day, week, or month.  Whether I write it down on paper, schedule it on my phone, or make mental notes… it is very, very rare that I don’t have a plan.  My husband would probably disagree with me on that.  Because, I also have an issue with my planning.  When my planning goes awry, I throw in the towel.

Usually my plans are built upon each other, I must accomplish task 1 in order to move onto task 2.  If task 1 can’t be completed then tasks 2-? are unaccomplished.  I’ve tried altering my planning methodology, but it never seems like I can find the right fit.  This isn’t just about planning out my day either.  It can refer to my financial budget planning, my school schedule planning, blog writing, volunteering, errand days, and traveling.

When my life is going according to plan, I am very happy.  When my life is not going according to plan, I am very unhappy.  There is no middle ground for me, it is a pendulum that I swing on.   I am either completely knocking my agenda out of the ballpark… or I have thrown in the towel and will start fresh another day.  This is NOT something I enjoy or that I am totally okay with.  Hardly.  Uncompleted tasks irritate me.  For example…

About one year ago, I purchased some gorgeous dark stained bamboo rods.  My goal was to use them to make new drapery rods for our living room.  However, I didn’t have the money yet to buy the hardware we would need to mount them.  So, for one year they sat in a closet. Totally in the way.   Finally, after doing some internet searches for a more economical way to mount them… EUREEKA… a solution was found.  I purchased the materials needed   My husband was on vacation and I asked him to mount the rods to the wall.

He was worried that he’d go through the process of mounting them, and they would just sit there.  No drapes.  Why?  Because I need custom drapes for them.  I am entirely capable of making the drapes, but he worried it wouldn’t get done.  His worries are not unfounded, since it took me 2 years to finally make the drapes for our bathroom despite having all the supplies on hand.  I hadn’t made the drapes yet because I knew it would be a process… I can be a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to DIY projects.  I hadn’t decided on how I wanted them to hang (pockets, tabs, ties) and so the project was on hold.

Ultimately he hung the rods, and it’s been about 3 weeks.  No drapes, even though I had assured him the only reason I hadn’t made the drapes was because the rods were not installed.  I needed accurate measurements before I could purchase the material.  I found the material I wanted, but it was a bit more expensive than I had anticipated.  Project put on hold.  I created a plan to save up the additional money.  Then spring pictures, two field trips, some unexpected expenses came about.  My budget was now completely thwarted by life events outside of my control.  I know my husband is probably thinking “I told you so”and I will beat myself up for not getting it done yet.  I’m irritated each time I look at those barren rods.

My husband would probably argue that I plan too liberally, not accounting for unexpected expenses and that I need to budget more conservatively.  I would argue that isn’t the case at all, but rather this is the very area the enemy knows he gets to me.  It is my trigger point, the thing that gets me the most frustrated, where I will scramble and give up my time with God to make up for lost time, hold by my tithe because I need to make up the shortage of funds… and where I will beat myself up the most.  I don’t like to fail.  When my planning doesn’t work out, I feel like a failure.

Many years ago, I was talking to a neighbor about a particular situation that had me frustrated.  I stated that I was a “ducks in a row person”.  She replied:

“Gena, when your ducks are in a row they are easier to shoot.”

I’ve clung to that statement ever since, as that was the moment my eyes were opened to the fact that I have been making it too easy on the enemy to steal my joy, derail my obedience, and frankly to make me miserable and irritable.

It was another friend, who has a lot in common with me personality wise, who said:

“Gena, the world doesn’t think or work like us.”

I remind myself of that statement often because those are the things that lead to much of my frustration.  I believe in giving people plenty of notice, but the world doesn’t work like me.  I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt, and assuming the best of people.  But, the world doesn’t work like that.  I think people should go the speed limit, not get in the 10 items or less line with 20 items, etc.

When I expect the world is going to work in the same space of reason and logic as I do, I’m going to be let down.  It’s just another way that I am making the enemy’s job too easy.  He knows that when he fouls up my planning by interrupting logic and reason, I get annoyed and sometimes angry.

Over the years, I have learned to be a lot more relaxed about things not going my way.  I still plan, but I am not beating myself up when I have to divert from those plans for a time.  I’ve worked hard to stand in obedience before worrying about tasks that are not getting done.  If I have a choice between only getting in 15min of bible study today or getting the dishes done before hubby gets home… the scriptures will win.

I’m not allowing myself to get annoyed by the interruption in my day because a child is sick in the nurses office and I need to pick her up.  Or, that I was just getting ready to mop the floors when the neighborhood kids show up to play.  I’ve learned that while procrastination is bad, flexibility is good.  I’m not allowing my triggers to get set off as much as they used to, and I hope that will continue to improve each day.

A few days ago, I got the itch to get new cushions for 2 Ikea chairs in our home, long over due replacements.  The nearest Ikea was two hours away and the cushions were $40 each.  My budget wasn’t that high.  Locally, I could find comparable cushions… but they were $60 or more each.  I was going to put that project on the back burner, until I came across two cushions that were perfect in color and only $8 each!  They were a little too short, but I had the idea that I could make head rests myself.  After buying the cushions, I ran across the street to Hobby Lobby and found the perfect fabric.  That night while watching tv with my husband, I knocked out the cutting and pinning.  Then, while he was taking a tv break, I sewed the fabric, stuffed it with the padding, and hand stitched the rest while we finished our show.    Before bed, the project was completed.

My husband made a comment about how I actually finished the project in the same day, with total exuberance. It was like he was seeing a brand new woman.  I smiled and pointed out that in order to do so, I put all my other plans for the day aside (the kitchen sink was pretty full).  I also pointed out that I had all the materials that I needed on hand, and I really just wanted to get it done.  Because he was sitting WITH me as I worked on the project, he realized how long “simple” DIY projects can really take.

What I realized is that even though my plans for that day were changed, by the blessing of finding those cushions, the world didn’t end.  My husband was more impressed that I completed the project than concerned about the dishes in the sink.  The enemy didn’t win that day, because I wasn’t beating myself up for what I didn’t get done.  I was satisfied but what I had gotten done.

Sometimes, I hold on so tight to my plans and ideas, that one of two things happen…

1.  The enemy wins because the derailing will cause me to be frustrated, irritable, and angry.
2.  I miss out on the blessing that could be found in the derailment.  How many times have I been giving Satan the credit for ruining my plans… when it was really God who had a better plan or blessing in store for me that day?

Sometimes, I make the Enemy’s job too easy.   Sometimes, I give him too much credit.