In case you don’t have any clue what movie I am talking about, here is a promo shot:
First, I’d like to admit right out of the gate I didn’t walk into this movie with naive expectations. The trailers gave a pretty good indication that there would be some inappropriate humor. Second, I am not planning on giving away any spoilers. There were definitely some parts I thought the movie could have lived without, not only for the story line but even in the presentation. Sometimes it could go too far. Third, there were some parts of this that were REALLY unrealistic when you are talking about any group of moms. Lastly, there were also a LOT of truths.
Overall, I laughed and I laughed hard. At one point I laughed so hard (as I was taking a sip from my straw) that I pushed air through the straw, which caused a small tidal wave in my cup, and that resulted in my drink landing in my eyes. Which just caused a whole other fit of laughter for myself and those sitting around me. I laughed until I cried and my stomach hurt. Yet, there were some moments that I nodded in solidarity. There were moments that were uncomfortable. And, yes… as I said before totally unnecessary.
What I want to write about (and I’m up for conversation too) is WHY a movie like this not only resonated with moms but was drawing us in like moths to a flame.
My first thought is probably the most obvious, there is an enormous amount of pressure on moms to be it all, do it all, and do so perfectly. Whether it is the perfect birthday party, bento box lunches, or simply making it to every school and sport activity… we feel the pressure. We notice so much of what is around us, like the mom who has the perfect hair and make up in the parent pick up line… when we were struggling to get out of the house with a bra under our pajama shirt. We see the kids with the perfectly styled hair, accessories, and sparkling white sneakers…. and we just spent the last 40 minutes looking for eyeglasses or a belt. Other moms dropping their kids off early, and we are 10 minutes late because we had to go back home and pick up the flute that was left behind… or because our darling child took 15 minutes to brush her teeth.
How do these moms do it? We cast shade in their direction, but really we are asking ourselves… why can’t I do it?
I think there are a number of moms who have run the scenario through their head of just saying no. No to the requests by the husband, kids, school, coaches, etc. An opportunity to just walk away from the pressure and enjoy life again. To make the choice of not being the perfect mom anymore, and instead be the bad mom.
This brings me to my second thought, as you watch the trailers you see a group of women having fun. We are not talking bunko party fundraiser fun, but the kind of fun we had as teenagers and young single adults. The fun we had when we didn’t care what others thought, where it was ok to be silly, and there was an expected freedom in the general knowledge we were going to make mistakes and bad choices. It takes us back to a time when we didn’t have to be an adult, and could just let loose and be free.
With motherhood came some sort of unwritten code of conduct, that we couldn’t be silly anymore. We began to take everything too seriously, including ourselves. Let’s face it, books and the advice of television “experts” reinforced this. Reminding us over and over again that it was time to grow up, put away childish things, and get our heads out of the clouds. As we did this, many of us sent fun sailing away for good. We stopped smiling, we stopped laughing, and we stopped being silly.
The movie Bad Moms called out to that free spirit inside of us, that desperately wanted to laugh… and laugh hard. So, it pulls out all the stops. The women let loose in a way we couldn’t, and we live vicariously through them. They say the things that roll through our minds & do the things we secretly wished we could. (Ok, maybe not all of the things they say and do, but you get the point).
I also believe this appeals to Christian women so deeply because of the bar that is set for our expected behavior. If other moms are feeling the pressure to be perfect in their every day life, Christian moms understand the additional expectations put on the Christian mom. To have perfect children that love Jesus, quote the bible, volunteer with the elderly, and gladly donate all their birthday money to the missions fund. To be women who are serious about the study of the Lord, leading small groups, inviting women over to mentor and pray together, to dress in simple clothes, and be ever diligent in our choices of entertainment. There is a pressure that all of our time should be so seriously focused on Christ, that we can’t let loose and laugh until our sides hurt.
Confession… I saw the movie on opening night. It’s taken me almost a month to admit I saw it, because frankly… I expected to be judged for it. I was worried about what my church friends, my readers that look to me for wisdom, the women or leaders who are reading through my blog trying to decide if I would be the right speaker for their next women’s event… what would these people think of me?
I learned something from the movie though… my eyes were opened to how long it had been since I had laughed so much and so hard. I realized how seriously I take myself and made the decision not to. I embraced that silliness is okay and even healthy for my kids to see. I made the decision that I wanted to laugh more, but with those whom I am the closest to… not a theater full of strangers. I want that girl posse who has my back, in the most biblical way possible… and who will be silly with me. Women who know how to laugh, smile, and stop trying to be something that is impossible to attain… perfect.
All of those parts of the movie that I thought were unnecessary, they don’t have to be part of my life. But the good stuff… I welcome it. We are all GOOD MOMS despite our imperfections and the times we muck things up… because we are LOVING MOMS. In the end that is what matters. The Lord didn’t call us to a life of misery, but of fulfillment and joy as mothers… and laughter. So much laughter.
The lights come on, the camera is rolling, there is beautiful music being played, voices fill the air with their melodic song, and then the speaker delivers a powerful message. We leave from that place invigorated and inspired to change our ways, to pray more and read the Bible every day. We agree to hold each other accountable, to volunteer more, and to give more as we become better stewards. Our lives are so affected and changed that each week we will invite more and more people to hear this person, this godly and spiritual gift from heaven.
This may go on for weeks, months, years and even decades. Then it happens, one day we turn on the news and that gift is being splashed across the screen. The person we held in such high regard has been accused or even arrested, or has stepped forward to admit and unexpected truth. We try to deny it, but ultimately the truth always comes out. We have to face the fact that this person, whom we held in such high regard, was nothing but a phony.
When I was a child, I remember watching television with my grandmother on Sundays. There was one particular show she would watch, where a beautiful woman would come on stage… she would sing with such beauty and emotion that tears would stream down her face. Her husband would then take the stage and preach a message that was convicting and life changing. They were inspiring people, until the day his fraud was exposed. People who had supported their ministry were devastated, and many became like me… a hardened skeptic. I don’t fall for “shows” anymore, and I have learned to watch for the signs of hypocrisy and being disingenuous.
There are people who are REALLY good at faking it. They may appear to have it all together, the perfect husband, kids and home. They can spout out bible verses, speak in glorious ways that make them sound learned and wise, they pray out loud using fancy words and phrases, and they know the right lingo that will create an illusion of being holy and righteous.
Therefore whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed on the housetops.
Luke 12:3
Sometimes I will see right through a person, from the start. Yet there are other times where it isn’t quite that obvious. I may be suspicious, but without any evidence. Or, the person might be really good at hiding their true self. Humans are incapable of hiding truth for that long though, eventually we begin to see signs that things are not quite how they are being presented. Then over time, particularly as the person becomes more comfortable with you – or confident in their ability to deceive – they truth beings to come to surface. We can see through the facade.
The man who acts like a loving and caring father out in public, but verbally abuses his children or wife.
The pastor who gets caught in an affair or misusing tithes and church funds.
The woman who comes off as a sweet and kind woman at church, but in her home she screams and treats her family like they are nothing.
The ministry leader who prays for spiritual purity in the youth, while he is grooming certain students to be abused.
I am not talking about the person who gets caught up in a singular bad decision, where they lost good sense because of the temptation in front of them. We are all sinners and have the capability of atrocious things. I am talking about the person who is consistently and purposefully this way. They put on a good show for others (and maybe they think it’s impressing God) but in their heart they are truly not changed, in their homes they are the exact opposite of what they preach or teach.
These are people who have a false spirituality. They know all of the right words, all of the traditions, and how to present themselves in a way that sells their best characteristics. But inside they are corrupt, manipulative, and deceitful.
Would not God discover this? For he knows the secrets of the heart.
Psalm 44:21
God knows the heart, and He will shine light on the darkness.
For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.
Luke8:17
These are people who will even try and garner your sympathies as they wallow in their own sin, but it’s just for show. They are not really interested in changing themselves, they just want to make sure you can’t speak against them. It’s a guardrail that they put up to protect themselves. It allows them to speak their truth (sometimes harshly) by tagging on a “I am not perfect” clause as they critique you. They will claim deliverance from this or that sin, so that after they have torn you down … they can build you back up in as their own image bearer.
People with false spirituality are not trying to make you look Christ-like… hardly! What they are trying to do is to mold you to look more like they do, they are doing it for the glory. They shout “LOOK AT ME! Look at what I have done. Come, be just like ME!”… and God is not part of that equation.
So, how do we spot “false spirituality” –
Pray for Discernment – ask God to give you the wisdom and the knowledge to see through those who are frauds.
Pray for Transparency – pray that God will reveal their hidden truths to you, or the public as a whole.
Be Observant & Listen – you will begin to notice things that don’t feel quite right, or they will say something that will cause you take pause. The more you are around them, the more frequently this will happen.
Look to Others – let me be clear, I am NOT advising you to gossip about a person. What I am saying is see how others act around them. Are there people who seem to have modeled themselves to be just like this person? That’s a clue. Just as much on the other side, do you notice that the wise people in your church or community are avoiding them like the plague! That’s a clue too.
Who Do They Credit – when there is blessing or praise to be given, who does this person credit the glory to? If they are constantly looking for the pat on the back, the attention, the credit, the glory … be careful. “Look at what I did…” is just as bad as “Thank you Lord for allowing me this success….”. In both cases, this is a person who is working in their own strength, on their own agenda.
No one is going to be perfect, and if you are not careful you can discount just about anyone from being in your life because they are failing or sinful SOMEWHERE. A genuine person isn’t going to put on the act of spiritual superiority, they are more interested in trying to address their own sin issues than trying to solve everyone else’s.
I recall a woman I was speaking with was sharing a ministry vision, she wanted to create a website where Christians could essential log their community service hours. She wanted the world to see the good that Christians are doing, so they would see that we are not hypocrites and that we are actively striving to make a better world.
In theory, that sounds good. But is that biblical? Is that actually a ministry?
Not really.
It was just another way to get a pat on the back for doing a good job. It was another way of saying “hey, look at me and what I do!” It didn’t allow God to get the credit, it was a place where instead each person would be able to get the credit they felt they deserved.
“So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be honored by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.”
Matthew 6:2-4
This is also an great example of “false spirituality” because it gives an appearance of godliness. When we boast about ourselves and our accomplishments for God, we are actually boasting only of ourselves. If we truly wanted God to have all the glory, we would leave our names out of it entirely. We are warned that as the days draw closer to Christ’s return, false spirituality is going to be on the rise as much (if not more) than sin and decay in the world. When we encounter false spirituality, we must flee from it so that we are not corrupted by it.
But know this: Difficult times will come in the last days. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, without love for what is good, traitors, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding the form of godliness but denying its power. Avoid these people!
For among them are those who worm their way into households and capture idle women burdened down with sins, led along by a variety of passions, always learning and never able to come to a knowledge of truth.
Recording Artist Tori Kelley was in NYC and went through a walk in Central Park. She overheard music from under a bridge that caught her attention. She went to check it out and came across this amazing trio. She ended up doing an impromptu session with them, singing Hillsong’s “OCEAN”.
So moved by the trio, their talent, and their rendition of the song, she invited them to perform at her concert the next night. Someone filmed it. Hillsong heard about it, and posted it to their facebook page.
Honestly, I just love moments like this. When we capture raw talent, mixed with someone who has been polished by industry. There is beauty in that rawness. I found tears streaming my face, as I listened. His accent. Her voice. Their unique melody. The simple strumming of her guitar. They were in that moment, faceless … just four people praising God in secular places.
I was moved. I went to the comment sections to share my appreciation & thoughts…. and that is when things derailed.
There are in fact two sets of comments.
The ones directly on Tori Kelley’s page where the video was originally posted.
Then the set of comments on Hillsong’s page where the video was shared.
The comments on Tori Kelley’s personal page were nothing but supportive, a secular artist took a chance to share a beautiful song, and it was loved. Their were comments by people who knew the song already, for sure, but also a slew of people who had never heard it before. It was so amazing to see such a positive response. I sincerely searched for one single negative comment, and couldn’t find one. Why did I search?
… because of the comments on Hillsong’s page… by Christians.
There was plenty of negativity there.
I’m not going to quote the comments exactly, but they could be summed up into the following paraphrases:
“I am disappointed that Hillsong would share this video, I can’t let my daughter watch it because of what Tori is wearing.”
“I love Tori’s voice, but she should really dress a lot more modestly.”
“What would Tori wear if she knew Jesus was first in line to her concert?”
“Why are you wearing short shorts on stage to sing about Jesus?”
…. and those were just the nicer comments. There were a few I just couldn’t bring myself to share here.
1 Corinthians 13
Love: The Superior Way
13 If I speak human or angelic languages but do not have love, I am a sounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so that I can move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 And if I donate all my goods to feed the poor, and if I give my body in order to boast[a] but do not have love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, 5 does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs. 6 Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. 7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for languages, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. 9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. 10 But when the perfect comes, the partial will come to an end. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put aside childish things. 12 For now we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I will know fully, as I am fully known. 13 Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.
I’m going to be really transparent, and it’s going to be a bit uncomfortable for us all… I think. But, I do believe that is where conversation begins. I promise… it will all tie together in the end…..
My social media accounts are a HOT mess right now, and have been for some time. I count myself lucky to have a diverse group of friends, with a diverse group of opinions. I often find myself sitting in the middle… afraid to speak… because I really don’t know what to say. I don’t feel informed enough, and I don’t feel qualified either.
My husband and I have never discounted a human being’s value or rights, based on their gender, color, or sexuality. We have never allowed these external characteristics to cloud our view of their internal character. I have certainly had friends over the years where we didn’t agree on every subject, and yes religious beliefs and politics included. However that has never interfered with our ability to love one another, to care for each other in time of hurt and pain. My children have learned this too, and their friends represent every color of the rainbow. They see character, not color… or gender… or sexual preferences (which does begin to be an issue as your children enter teen years). I observe their standards for friendship, and what I notice is their standards are based entirely off of character. A friend who lies, is quickly out the door. A friend who makes derogatory comments, doesn’t last. A friend that causes hurt, to my child or others, is kept at a distance at minimum.
So…. my heart breaks every day as I read my social media. Because, no matter how much we have impacted change within our children… there is a greater world out there that hasn’t changed all that much. And then, I still find myself stuck in the middle. I really have no idea what it is like to be discriminated against, or to have a cultural history of deep seeded pain and torment. I don’t understand what it feels like to be a part of socio-economic group that is still fighting for away to rise above or get out from repetitive history. I have never considered an abortion, or fought for the right to get married. I have never been so poor that I needed to steal or sell drugs to supplement the income my family needed. With the exception of a time in my wilder youth, I also don’t know what it feels like for someone to naturally assume you are guilty, or up to no good, based solely on the color of my skin. I’ve never been treated poorly by those in authority because of my skin color or my gender.
Because of this, when it comes to a lot of what I see on the news and in social media…. I still feel unqualified. Even more so, when I watch those I call friends who ARE qualified can’t even agree. When you are observing a situation in any part of the world, and those whom it does impact can’t seem to agree… how do we even begin to understand. It’s easy to sit on the sidelines and suggest someone make different choices, to point toward those who perpetuate stereotypes, and think we can just simply say “STOP”. As if it was that easy, to just stop being who you are… to just stop being a product of your environment… to just stop being everything you have ever known or recognized to be truth.
We can look at a smoker, or a heroin addict and have compassion and empathy, we understand how hard it is to stop those addictions.
But we have no compassion on cultural, society, economical, and even personal choices that have become rooted as truth for someone. We think we can simply say “stop being who you are”, and that person can just shake it off and change over night without any further temptation or struggle.
I want to be clear that I am not attempting to debate any scriptural truths. On certain subject, the scriptures are pretty clear. Even when you look at it deeper, understanding the cultures and time period they were written. We recognize that our worlds are not that much different, and biblical truths then … are biblical truths now.
What I am wanting to address though, is the behavior I have witnessed amongst those who are my brothers and sisters in Christ. Some of the most vicious words, mocking tones, and just down right disrespect have flowed from some of their mouths recently.
But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. Matthew 15:18
When I saw the posts about the Tori Kelley/Hillsong video posts, I threw my hands up in the air. I was angry. Here we have a secular artist, sharing a song about God, in a secular setting… and some Christians had nothing better to comment. Instead it was an opportunity to tear this artist down because of her attire.
Even though Christ invited us to come as we are. He wouldn’t have told a prostitute to go home and change first. He wouldn’t have told the leper to clean and bandage himself up. He wouldn’t have told a woman to go home and get her husband. Christ reached out to those who sought after him. He responded to the woman who slipped her hand through a crowd and touched the hem of his garment. He took the long way on certain trips, because He had a divine appointment on the way. In fact, the harshest words Christ had… they were not for the unbelievers, or the ones who genuinely were willing to listen. His harshest words were for the Pharisees, Saducees… the leaders who KNEW better. The leaders who called everyone to live by a standard that they themselves didn’t live up to. Leaders who twisted and added to the scriptures in order to get ahead in the community, to keep their status, and to make people do what they felt was right.
As I look at those who God reaches to, I see a God who loves the unlovable. He forgives the unforgivable. He changes lives and hearts, from the hardest stone. Who calls to His people to come unto Him. To cast their burdens, to drop their yokes, to be freed from their slavery, and to simply follow.
While I may not understand what it feels like to be be discriminated against, dodging literal and figurative bullets of hatred, there is something I do know….
I do know what it feels like to be loved, immeasurably by God. By my husband. By my children. By my friends, who love me even when they don’t agree with me.
I do know what it feels like to be unloved, by critics and people who didn’t bother to get to know me as a person.
I also know what it feels like to be judged, criticized, unfairly treated, spoken down to, treated as less than, put down, berated, and ostracized by OTHER CHRISTIANS.
I my entire life history, the worst treatment I have ever gotten…. the people who have made me feel the worst about myself have been those I have shared a faith with. And, I am watching this play out daily in my social media news feed. Regardless of the situation…. Ferguson. Charleston. Bruce/Caitlin Jenner. Gay Marriage. Abortion. Heck, even on issues as nominal as practicing yoga, homeschooling, how we dress, if we breastfeed, the number of children we have, etc….
The greatest hate and judgement that I have see has been coming from a group of people that were told LOVE GOD, LOVE OTHERS. It wasn’t a suggestion. It wasn’t a direction to head toward. It wasn’t defined to a specific group of people.
We were told LOVE GOD, LOVE OTHERS.
And, what I see is an awful amount of HATE toward others.
I’m not saying to LOVE means to accept or agree with everything. Not at all, we can still hold to the tenants of our faith, disagree with people, the government, the world… but still LOVE.
My love for you defies what clothing you wear. My love for you defies what movies you watch or music you listen to. My love for you defies the choices you make in your life. My love defies any earthly explanation because my love was defined by the ONE WHO LOVED SO MUCH HE GAVE HIS LIFE ME.
When I try to live up to that kind of love, it often means putting myself and my agendas on the back burner and simply loving others… for who they are, where they are.
Instead of feeling hate toward those who are facing the ugliness of a fallen world, that give into temptation, that are walking away from God, or simply trying to fly under the radar…. I feel pain and sympathy. It’s not a joking matter, to make internet memes about and snarky jabs. We shouldn’t be joking about this, or standing above it in righteous indignation. We should be weeping, we should be praying, we should be clinging to God and asking for His forgiveness.
We are called to do our best to live at peace with everyone… yet we are not living at peace when we have a hard heart toward a group of people. We are not living at peace when we try to force our beliefs upon others. We are not living at peace when we think we can say anything we want because we are “speaking truth in love”.
Too often the words “truth in love” have been used to soften the blow of judgement. “I love you to much to let you go on sinning, let me tell you what to do…. “. As if I have any clue what any person should do? Am I without sin? NO! As Paul said… “Of the sinners, I am the worst”. Which is why over and over again we are reminded in the scriptures… he is who is free of sin can cast the first stone…. take care of the plank in your own eye before you worry about your brother’s splinter. It is why we are given and entire chapter about LOVE!
We were not told just to love, but HOW TO LOVE.
And we are failing miserably at doing so.
The job of conviction has been taken, it’s the Holy Spirit’s job. He does a good job at it too, because I’m convicted daily at how I fail. And, considering the fact that I fail daily… I am not even qualified for the job. It’s not up to me to convict anyone of their sin… or to change people’s hearts.
My job is to love.
Love God. In doing so, my life and person may seem different to others. Living as an example, striving in the daily to exemplify God in a way that makes others take notice, ask questions, and do the work He has called me to do.
Love Others. In doing so, I will have opportunities to share God with others. For those who believe, those opportunities will be in sharing life together, growing with each other in His will. For those who don’t believe, I will stand as a light in the darkness… of hypocrisy and hate. I will share that God loves all, always has and always will. He died for all, not some. I will show real love, showing Jesus in my life, and I will leave the rest up to God. And, I as I love others, so will my children and their children. I will create a legacy of love that will extend into the future.
When I die…. and people talk about me…. what I hope they say is:
Gena, she loved God and was always striving to know Him better. She loved people, she had compassion for others, caring more about them than her own self. She wasn’t perfect, never pretended to be. She asked for grace, and gave a lot. She never held a grudge, always spoke with love, and trusted God to shape her life.
This week, my eyes were really opened to how little love some “Christians” show toward each other, let alone to the public. It’s no wonder the world views us in such a negative way. It’s easy to blame the world, it’s easy to write it off because the scriptures tell us we will be persecuted and hated. So, we use that as license to just say whatever we want carelessly. The more I read from others, the more I wonder…. is that reason? Or, have we done it to ourselves?
Have we painted a view of Christianity that is unloving of anyone who doesn’t see things exactly as we do? We don’t need the world to divide the church, or hate the church. We are doing a pretty good job of doing that on our own. We have more people leaving the church in every generation. We are dividing ourselves up into groups and camps that believe our understanding of the scriptures is better or “more accurate” than others. We can’t comprehend that we may be wrong, or at least partially incorrect. We stand on “biblical truths” that most of us couldn’t even defend with the scriptures, because we haven’t taken the time to read it for ourselves. We stand on what others interpret, their opinions, their understanding. We look for speakers and “authorities” who agree with our interpretation in order to validate our opinions. Yet we never test them to the scriptures or look to challenge our beliefs.
We have crippled ourselves in regard to REAL knowledge, and then we believe we have the RIGHT to stand above anyone else and dictate how anyone should live “by faith”.
This isn’t the first time this has happened either, you’d know that if you read the scripture. Biblical history is full of instances of believers who thought their way was right, who didn’t test the scriptures for themselves, who had hearts that were hardened toward other believers who didn’t do things “their way”.
WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY JESUS CAME! We needed Christ’s ministry as much as we needed his sacrifice. His death paid the penalty for our sin. His life exposed truth, exemplified how we should live, love, pray, serve, and share. His words spoke greatly of LOVE, and when Jesus spoke hard truths… he spoke them with love. He wept for the people. When was the last time you wept for the world? He had compassion for the world, “Forgive them, they know not what they do!” — This wasn’t just a prayer for those who crucified Jesus… it was a prayer for everyone, past … present… future. Jesus was falsely accused, falsely imprisoned, falsely judged, falsely executed. He could have called down the powers of heaven, wiped away everyone who stood and spoke against him, leaving only believers and followers. Instead, he called into the heavens for forgiveness.
Asking for the forgiveness of a sin the people couldn’t even recognize as a sin.
I can’t speak for the rest of the world. As for me, and my house, WE will serve the Lord. We will live a life that shows a love for God and His Word. We will live a life that loves others, has compassion for others, and in our love and compassion we will introduce people to Jesus.
For a Christian book, More Than Just the Talk, is pretty raw. It was not what I was expecting, at all. At the same time, it was exactly what I needed. I am a mother of three daughters, one of which is sixteen… and has a boyfriend. A great kid. Who despite how much we love him, still wonders when we will “trust him” and “trust them” to be alone together.
I say, when they are married. My husband, he claims never. HA.
This book is so entirely relevant not just to my sixteen year old… but to my twelve year old… and to my eight year old. All of which are exposed to the sexually charged media of the world we live in.
It’s time to be real, parents, the influence the world has our kids … even from those who sit in our church pews … is a struggle we not only need to fight against, but a fight that has to start sooner. We can not afford to give up. This is a real battle, that will not be easy to win. Some of us won’t. Thank God for grace.
Recently I was in a discussion regarding 1 Corinthians 7. In this letter, Paul basically says it is best to be unmarried (to remain fully focused on God and His calling), if you can’t avoid temptation to get married, and if you get married to stay committed to that person for ever. Pretty straight forward, but we have to understand WHY Paul wrote this letter. The Church at Corinth, was in the midst of a city full of sexual sin. The Church at Corinth, was itself spiritually immature. This is exactly the situation we find ourselves in, in the United States. We are country, much like Corinth, that is a hub of various cultures and religious beliefs. With many different views as to what is and isn’t moral, pure, and good. We are influenced by those around us, because the further we draw away from the New Testament days, the less mature we are as a body of believers. We no longer have that same fervor that the early Christians… those taught by Christ and his immediate disciples had. That fervor gets watered down each generation.
Paul’s letter to the Church at Corinth, could easily be a letter written to every church in the United States. This is what our youth today face. They face music, television and movies that are sexually charged. We have phones with apps that can allow us to secretly view materials and participate in conversations, and many parents are blissfully unaware.
And, as author Johnathan McKee points out in the book, we are not alone. This temptation and these materials are making their way in to the hands, minds and hearts of Mennonite and Amish communities. It’s flooding in from everywhere, and even the “good kids” are getting exposure to it when they are at a friend’s home. Even when that friend is another Christian.
Many parents are familiar with giving “The Talk” about sex. It might be very technical about how the body works, coupled with scripture and religious views. Some may delve in a bit deeper talking about the consequences (physical and emotional). Some parents may be stricter teaching abstinence only, where as others will support abstaining coupled with information should the child choose not to. It is a subject talked about at church, school and also home. Usually, but not always. In fact there is still some uncomfortably in talking with our own kids, about such a big topic.
If you are hoping this book is going to make you more comfortable talking to your kids, let me forewarn you…. it won’t. In fact you are probably going to find yourself a little comfortable reading it, let alone thinking about talking to your kids about it. However, with that uncomfortably … you will also find yourself feeling a sense of urgency to act. You are going to realize that you need to do more than just talk about it, but actually take some steps.
Investigate what your kids are reading, what music they are listening to, and watch television shows they are watching. Understand the way teens are looking at sex, and justifying what is and isn’t ok. Be honest with yourself about not only what they are being exposed to at school… but what is seeping into the home (what channels are you subscribing to, that show late night content that is pornographic). Take a moment to really understand that those lyrics you think you kids don’t understand the context, they know more than you think.
When your 8 year old asks you, “Mommy… what is 50 Shades of Grey about?” …. when you don’t own the books, didn’t watch the movie, and don’t talk about in your home. That tells you, this stuff is everywhere. They are seeing it & learning about it, somewhere. Someone is talking to them. The radio? Their teachers? Their fellow students?
There is a lot of influence and we need to be prepared and proactive with our children. More Then Just the Talk is not a comfortable read, but a necessary one. Whether you are a public schooling mom, or a Pastor’s wife…. your kids are exposed, they are in need of real … straight forward … and sometimes explicit truth.
First, More Than Just the Talk, exposes that the content of “the talk” has changed. We are also given tools on how to talk about it with our kids, with chapters specific to sons and daughters. Each have their own approach, own needs. However, I wouldn’t advise skipping one of those chapters. Even if you only have daughters, you need to read the chapter on sons. Your daughters will one day have boyfriends, and the sons chapter gives you some perspective, and you may… at some point… find yourself having a conversation with him. This chapter will be beneficial. The book also helps us navigate through the tough and uncomfortable questions they will surprise us with. Because, right now, statistics show us that Google is where they are getting most of their information.
I don’t know about you, but I am not ok with that as their primary source of information.
What I also appreciate about the book, McKee recognizes that some of us will be reading this book after the fact. There will be some of us that have a child that has had a sexual experience to some degree. Instead of shaming, the book helps us point our kids back onto the path. We help them to realize that their past mistakes don’t negate a positive future. New choices can be made, new standards put in place. They can be forgiven and not defined by who they were at that time. I also appreciate the book addresses children who have been victimized, where they had no control over the decision to become sexually active. They are not forgotten, and they too are not defined by their past. There is hope for all of them, for all of us.
More Than Just the Talk, as uncomfortable as it may make you, needs to be in your arsenal. Use it, don’t just shelve it. Read through the difficult parts. Decided, under prayerful consideration, how and when you will begin these conversations with your kids. Don’t assume it won’t apply to you, your kids, because of your conservative beliefs.
“More Than The Talk”is a powerful tool, that we can use to shape and redirect the path our children are taking. It opens our eyes, and calls us to action.
As a parent of kids of varying ages, from High School to Elementary School, finding new devotion books that encompasses the needs of my entire family is hard. If I shop with my teenager in mind, it ends up being too deep for my youngest. However, if I shop with my youngest in mind… my teenager is usually bored to tears.
When I had the opportunity to get my hands on a copy of Mission Accomplished, thanks to New Growth Press, I was very impressed.
1) The book covers two weeks of devotions, specifically written for Easter. This is a book I reference year, after year.
2) Each devotion starts with scripture, that supports the devotion theme. It is followed with sections that encourage us to think about the context of the scripture, discussion questions, prayer prompts and even songs or activities to support that particular devotion.
3) The devotions are quick and to the point, which is good for shorter attention spans or those with busy schedules.
4) The devotions are written in a way that will engage your older children, but can be explained by the parents when needed.
Overall, this is a great book for the family who spans a broad array of ages. That said, if your family is predominantly young children, you may want to read the devotions ahead and reword to fit the age group you are working with. You will find some words that your children may not be familiar with (depending on the verbiage your church uses), some of the discussion questions are better suited for older children who have a background of Sunday school classes, and some of the songs referenced in the “Sing About It” portions were not familiar to me. This devotion is definitely written for a more seasoned believer, in my opinion.
I do love this devotion, and with all of the tools we have available; simply pre-reading the devotion can help identify areas you might want to brush up on before sitting down with the family. Since they are short, you can skim it relatively quickly and use your bible or the internet to define unfamiliar words, or even look up the music for the songs.
Do not be intimidated to pick up this devotion, even if some of the references are unfamiliar to you as a new believer. It will help your grow, understanding the Easter story better, and more accurately. The devotions are not overwhelming and they do a great job of tying in the Old Testament and the New Testament.
If you are looking for a good devotion for the family, one that you can learn from & teach from… check out Scott James’ A Mission Accomplished.
I have been taking classes with Christian Leaders Institute, and I am currently finishing up my Old Testament Survey class. Before I took this class, I was already in love with the Old Testament. I actually find it very relatable to the every day struggle we have to do what God has asked of us. This class has really helped bring to the forefront some points I may have been glossing over.
In the Old Testament, God set out some very specific directions for Israel. In fact, it couldn’t have been more clearly stated. It was repeated over and over again. It was even written down. For all intents and purposes, there was absolutely NO REASON Israel should have had trouble understanding what was expected of her. Yet, time and time again, Israel would fall away from those directions and do her own thing.
And, time and time again, God would send someone to set her straight.
To most people, today, they do not see the direction of God very clearly. In fact, an overwhelming number of prayers revolve around people wanting to understand what God’s will is for their life. Praying for his plans to be revealed to them, praying for His will to be done in a situation. And, as Gentile believers, we didn’t get such a specific list of what we should and should be doing as Israel did. This became a point of conversation at a council meeting amongst the disciples and elders. They flat out admitted that they couldn’t expect the Gentiles to keep a law, that they couldn’t even keep as God’s chosen people. So, they went into prayer & came up with a few chosen things.
Even Christ, himself, left us with two commandments. Love God. Love one another.
So… what does that mean about all of those rules? What do we do? How do we follow God? We are left having to work that out with God, one on one…. daily, hourly… minute by minute, at times. Thankfully, we do have the Holy Spirit to convict us and guide us.
But, let’s go back to Israel in the Old Testament for a second. Actually, lets go back to the beginning.
God created everything, including man and woman. He set out some pretty simple rules. Tend to the garden. Name the animals. Have babies. And, don’t eat from that tree over there… or you will die. Adam and Eve were not bound to the rules that would eventually be placed upon Israel. And, the serpent managed to derail them from the most simple set of rules ever given.
They had it easy. They walked with God. They didn’t have the weight of sin upon them yet. They had NO REASON to disobey God. But, they did. And, it would cost them & forever changed their relationship with God. He would no longer walk among them, as he once did.
Over time the burdens on God’s people would grow from this original sin. And God would continually pick people to step up & save Israel from her own doing.
The world would become so wicked, that the only way to make it better would be to send a flood to wipe away all the evil… save a man and his family, whom God favored. All evil was wiped away, yet sin remained and flourished, after the flood waters rescinded.
God would hear the cries of his people, enslaved & oppressed, and rise up a man to deliver them from the hands of their captives. Moses would lead the nation of Israel, making a covenant with God, setting up some very clear directions and expectations. Yet despite their deliverance from captivity, Israel couldn’t keep it together. Every time Moses would step away to commune with God, they’d start doing their own thing again. And even their leader wouldn’t make it to the Promised Land, because of sin.
In the time to follow, when Israel was without a leader or a king, Israel would once again go about doing her own thing. Each man doing what was right within his own eyes, what made sense to him. They would fall under oppression and hard times, and God would hear their cries. He would raise up a judge to bring Israel back into the fold. But, scripture tells us repeatedly, that as soon as the judge would die, Israel would go back to her old ways. Doing what seemed right, in their own eyes. Israel could only keep it together when there was a leader, headship… person of authority, in place. And even then, they were still messing up some.
Then, when earthly kings were raised up…. sin was still abound. Even that king, who was a man after God’s own heart, couldn’t follow the rules. Simple rules, written out, taught by the priests, and with warnings from the prophets.
A theme here in the OT, is Israel’s inability to follow the rules. But when you look closely, you will notice part of that theme is that they did better when they had a clearly defined leader. But, as soon as that leader was out of the picture, they couldn’t keep it together.
Fast forward to Nehemiah. By this point, Israel had really messed up & they were paying the price for it. They had been taken into captivity into Babylon. Jerusalem, the city and the temple both, were destroyed. They were displaced and scattered. They were breaking all sort of rules from worshiping the gods of the locals, intermarriage with people who were clearly on the “do not marry” list, they were not sacrificing for any sort of atonement, and were once again doing their own thing. The law was forgotten. New generations had come, and had no understanding of what God had done for Israel in the past, and what His expectations for them were. In Ezra we learn that God softened the heart of the Persian King (who was now over Babylon) and allowed Israel to return to it’s city & rebuild it (and the temple), seeking favor from God. They get there, come up against some opposition and everything stalls. Then Nehemiah gets wind of what has happened, he is grieved over it, and with the permission of the king, he returns to Jerusalem and takes on the big task of putting it all back together again. Not just the physical city, but also the people and more importantly spiritually. They find the Book of Law and share it with the people. Everyone is reminded of what God had done for Israel, they grieve over their sins, they renew the covenant, and everything looks great.
Then, Nehemiah goes back to the king’s house to do his job. What happens when Nehemiah leaves? In short order, it all falls apart. Once again, without that leader that God raised up…. Israel can’t keep it together.
So…. after all that history lesson (LOL)… how is this relatable to us today?
While we don’t have the same Book of Law that Israel was given, there are some things we do know.
We know that were a supposed to do what is good, noble and true. We know that we are to be honest, hard workers, ethical and moral. We know that we are supposed to submit to God, our spouse, etc.
Yet… when the cat is away, the mice will play.
The boss is out of town? Great, lets toss the required suits and wear jeans and tshirts all week.
Dad isn’t home? Cool, we can bend some of his rules with the kids… right mom?
Not in church today? No problem, go right ahead and overcharge your customer.
Teacher is absent? No big deal, we can skip class or tell the substitute that we were going to watch a movie.
When left to our own devices, when our leadership & authority is out of sight…. we don’t follow rules.
We speed when the cops aren’t looking.
We change or relax the rules when the other parent isn’t home.
We do bare minimum work when our boss isn’t around.
And, we don’t even think twice about it.
Which is exactly why I am glad that the story didn’t end with Nehemiah. I am so grateful for the New Testament, which gives our stiff necked, wayward selves… HOPE. Hope that came in the form of a baby, who would walk this earth sinless, yet pay the price for the sins that had already been committed & the MANY yet to come.
When Christ left, we once again began to falter. In fact, the two rules he left us with… Love God, love others. We have a hard time just following those. We are the same today, as Israel of the Old Testament. Everyone doing their own thing, and what seems right in their own eyes. And, just like they were waiting for a Messiah then…. we await His return now.
The truth is, we really know what we should be doing. In many ways, it is simpler for us now (after Christ) than it was for those in the Old and New Testament during his ministry and just after. The question is, what are you doing about it? Are you accepting that you’ll never be perfect & making excuses and exceptions to what God wants from you? Or, do you have an open mind, heart and soul… wholly surrendered and trying to do what God asks of you to the best of your abilities… at all times, not just when others are present?
Gena McCown 