One of the difficult things about announcing that my book was picked up by a publisher is the “why me and not her” thoughts. At She Speaks I met a lot of amazing women, who are writing amazing things. I know that the doorway into publishing is small. I am still feeling an incredible sense of “why me”, almost a month later.
Writing a book is an incredibly personal thing, and you set it before eyes to judge it’s worthiness. So rejection stings deep. Truth be told, this very book was rejected years ago. This was not a new creation of mine, but something built up over time. About 4 years ago, I submitted it to one publishing house. They didn’t want it. And so, I tucked it away.
With the encouragement of my husband, and several friends, 2018 was the year to try again. In fact, my husband was so behind it… he said “if we have to, we will publish it ourselves”. It was this encouragement that led me to She Speaks, where I would have the opportunity to pitch the book in person to publishing houses.
One of the things I have learned over the years is that it is not wise to rush blessings. The Lord is orchestrating so many things that we never even see, preparing ways, setting the stage for things that need to happen. Some things take time.
In twenty years of ministry leadership (and probably 25 in leadership in general), the Lord was preparing me for this day. I had no idea the first time I stepped up to lead anything, that down the road I would end up signing a book contract. It was not even on my radar.
I needed 25 years of lessons. The ones we learn easy, the ones we learn the hard way. I needed to go through some things, as a leader, in order to understand the complexity of leadership from various angles. I needed to be led. I needed to lead. I needed to be hindered. I needed to be stopped. I also needed to be encouraged, trusted, and allowed to serve in the fullness of my gifting.
Even as I set out to prepare the book for the proposals that I would share with the publishing houses, I was finessing the sample chapters. In the years since I mailed that first proposal, I’ve learned even more.
In Esther 4:14, Mordecai speaks to Esther these words:
For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”
Ecclesiastes 3 imparts to us that there is a time and a season for everything.
For whatever the reason, 4 years ago was not the right time for this book. Perhaps because I had more to learn. Or, perhaps the people who need to read the words were not ready to receive. I can’t say, may not ever know on this side of heaven.
What I do know is that God does not show up early or late, but always on time. And, when He does show up things move in ways we can’t even fathom.
If I was to remain silent, and squirrel these words away in a drawer, the Lord would get them out there through someone else or in some other way. Who knows but that I have come to this point in my life… for such a time as this.