The Christian Word for Anger

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Anger is funny, funny thing.  It masks itself in many ways.  Some are more obvious (like withdrawal, sarcasm, and the like).  Others are a bit more subtle, which was revealed to me just after my Personal Retreat and during the course of The Gospel Coalition conference.

If you recall in my last piece, my twenty four hour Personal Retreat revealed that I was holding onto some anger that I didn’t realize was there.  People I needed to forgive was a priority on my list.  But the Lord wasn’t done revealing to me the ways in which anger had penetrated my life.

During the conference, I had an opportunity to sign up for bonus events being held alongside the conference.  One of which was an event put together by Serge.org, which not only had a two morning breakfast with speakers from their mentoring and leadership team but offered a one hour mentor session.  I jumped at the opportunity to speak with a veteran in the ministry field for advice/direction/suggestions for the ministry work I was involved in.

In my session with Hunter Dockery, I laid out exactly what my ministry work was about and where I saw it going.  Then I shared some obstacles I was facing in that process.  I thought that this was the place Hunter would be able to help me.  I wasn’t prepared for the fact that Hunter was less interested in the work, and more interested in me.  How was I personally being affected, how was my marriage, etc.  This was personal, and exactly what I needed to explore… I just didn’t know it.

I’m going to spend my time on this piece speaking to just one of the questions I was asked, but I’ll probably talk more about this in future blogs.

As I shared about some of my obstacles, and how I felt as if I was failing those I was serving… Hunter basically asked me how I felt about those who were impeding the work.  I said that I was frustrated, and that is when he laid it out there…

Frustrated is the Christian word for angry.

Well, crap.  If frustrated is the Christian word for angry, I may be angrier about more things than I realized.  Between my personal retreat and this moment, I was seeing things with more clarity.  I imagine it like a large room that is completely dark, without any single light source but multiple lamps scattered through the room.  The Lord was taking me one step at a time, turning on one lamp at a time.  Illuminating the room a little bit more versus flooding me with more light than my eyes could handle in one flip of a switch.

I was being put into a position where I would have to face and own these feelings, in order to correct them.  And the only one way that was going to happen, was to keep turning on more lights.

I’m thankful for my time with Hunter, not just because he helped me to see this underlying emotion but instead the greater gift came with the next question.

“When you imagine the Lord speaking directly to you, what does He say?”

I imagined a God who was frustrated with me.  Those were not my exact words to Hunter, but something that I understood later.

Well, if frustrated is the Christian word for angry… then I realized that I imagined that God was angry with me.  Let down.  Disappointed.   It was in a flash of clarity that I realized that while I believed God’s promises for others, truly and deeply… there was a part of me that saw myself still broken.  That my daily mistakes and failures were evidence that I still wasn’t living up to the par.

Hunter said words that will stick with me forever.

“You need to preach the Gospel to yourself, every morning.”

I’ve since thought about that, and made a choice that I need to shut down and replace the words that roll through my head.

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Chart based on a presentation by Lysa TerKeurst on Proverbs 31 Ministries First 5 App.

  I had listened to too many lines, believe the lies, labeled myself based on what others have said or done, and it became a liability that was holding me back from living in the freedom gifted by Jesus Christ.  The Gospel wasn’t just something to share with unbelievers but something that we believers need to be reminded of constantly.  The world tries to overwhelm our senses to the point we forget the promises that God has made to us.

This is an issue that I am still working through, with the Lord’s help.  Lamps are still being turned on.  However, I find myself already more at peace as I preach the Good News to myself, every morning.

And a few times throughout the day, as needed.

Because God so loved the world (and Gena) that He sent His only Son, and whoever (this means Gena too) believes in Him will have ever lasting life.

Jesus paid the wages of (Gena’s) sin.   You (and I) are new creations in Christ, washed clean by the blood of the lamb.  Sons and Daughters (including me) that were adopted into His family, where nothing can separate (even me) from Him.

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Gospel Eldership

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Well, I was pretty disappointed from the offset on this book.   I know, I know… what a way to begin a book review.  Bear with me.

I really, really was excited about this book.  As a person who has an interest in developing biblically sound leaders… this book jumped out at me as a great resource.  Then it happened… the top of page 4:  An elder is a man.

That is where my heart sunk.  I’ve been pretty honest in other posts about my struggle with the role of women as Pastors.  It was once something I was very against, morphed into something that became not quite so hardlined.  There were clearly times where God called a woman to lead (Deborah) and there are references of women in the New Testament as apostles and deaconesses.  It’s left me in a place currently where I feel as if the calling of women into headship is not outside of God’s character (even if it isn’t the norm).   It has even challenged me to the previous post, If Not Here, Than Where? … I can’t deny that women are called to lead and we need to have a place for them to do so.

Additionally, even with a historical belief that women were not called to be Pastors, I’ve never attended a church where women have been excluded from the role of deacon or elder.  In fact, it has been something I have seen Pastors embrace.  To have a female perspective will give staff the pulse of the women in the church, to have an elder that can counsel women directly without question of impropriety is a good safety measure, etc.

The scriptures clearly call women to teach other women, and that would also be to lead and guide other women. Why could there not be an elder, deacon, or even Pastor that does not oversee women?  Even if you were complementarian, I would think you could see that this would be an answer to the “if not here, then where?” question.

I wanted to keep reading though, and shortly found myself hung up again.

Thune states:  Complementarianism is the theological term for this viewpoint.  Men and women are complementary in their God-given design and roles, with men bearing the responsibility for spiritual leadership in the home and church.

He continues with the question:  If the men in your church looked like the men this resource envisions, would you have any reason not to trust, respect, and affirm their leadership?

And… to that question, I answer emphatically NO!  I would have zero reason to question their leadership. And… THIS IS THE VERY PROBLEM WE FACE IN THE CHURCH!

Right now statistically, women are comprising 60-65% of the warm bodies sitting in our pews every Sunday.   They make up 80-90% of the volunteer force in the church.  If you look at any church small group or bible study calendar, I would dare say that women’s ministry programs/events/studies will outnumber the male counterparts 4 to 1.

When I speak with women at events, do you know what the number one complain I get is?

I wish my husband was the spiritual leader in our home.  I’m tired of doing this on my own.  I don’t want the job.  It’s not supposed to be my job. 

When I speak with Pastors and other church staff, do you know what they give as a reason for not wanting women to go away on weekend long retreats?

If the women aren’t here on Sunday, the men don’t come and they don’t bring the children.

Now, I do not know if this is a regional thing.  Perhaps in the area of the country Mr. Thune is from, men are still the spiritual leaders.  But in THIS area, where I live, it is not the case.  The women are picking up that role, whether they want it or not, and therefore they are leaders in the home and in the church.  I’ve yet to sit in a church service, conference, or event locally that has challenged men to stand up to the occasion and change that direction.  The men have not be challenged to come when the women can’t, but instead they women have been told not to go.  A burden has been put upon their shoulders that was never meant to be, but the women are rising to the occasion.

It’s not that I disagree with Mr. Thune’s perspective on how God ordained the order of the family and headship.  Hardly, ideally it is exactly what God would want… but it’s not happening… and can we afford for those who are stepping up into leadership to not receive the proper training and development?

John Piper once spoke at a conference about his parents.  His father would travel for work, and while his father was away his mother stepped up to the occasion.  She handled the home until his father returned, then it was returned to his care.  Right now, our men are away… and we are handling the church… until they return.  Women are waiting for their men to “come home” and lead.  Until that time, we have a responsibility to our children and those who are in our charge.

If women are going to be spiritual leaders of their home, and in the church, picking up that slack… then they must be 1) equipped for the job with proper training and 2) held to the same standards a man would be in that position.

It is from that point forward, that I absolute LOVE and VALUE what this book has to offer in the way we are equipping our leaders.  I’ve seen many elders appointed in my day, but do you know that I’ve never heard of any one of them going through any sort of intentional or purposeful development… especially like this book offers.

I think this is a great resource for your existing elder team to work through together, in order to have a better understanding of their role in the church, further their relationship with each other, and have a better understanding of theology for their own personal edification and in leading others.  But, this is also a great tool for potential leaders in the church (not just for the role of elder).  It allows for honest introspection, challenges our leaders to a deeper commitment, raises the stakes on integrity and ethics of the leadership role, clear expectations from a biblical perspective for our leaders, and exercises and conversation that cause our leaders/potential leaders to really think about whether or not eldership is a calling on their life now (or ever).

The more I dug into the remaining content, the more I caught myself nodding my head in agreement.  THESE ARE THE MEN WE NEED IN OUR CHURCH.  Where are they?

Will they answer the call?

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My review of “Gospel Eldership” is entirely my own opinion.  I received the copy of “Gospel Eldership” from New Growth Press with the intention of a review.  Any thoughts expressed are my own and not influenced in anyway by the author or publisher.