There Are Some Things You Simply Can’t Fix

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My husband and I were talking the other day, about friendships and just relationships in general.  Sometimes we mess up, we say things we shouldn’t have even though we were joking.  Or, we speak into a person’s life when we have no authority to do so…. or at least were not invited to share our opinions.  Sometimes the person is carrying emotional baggage and is extra sensitive & you were unintentionally careless with your words.

In situations like this, my husband and I can recognize we messed up.  We even try to fix it and make it better.   But, unless the other person is just as invested in the relationship… it’s going to be a one sided battle.  And no matter what you do, how many times you apologize, how many different ways to try to repair it… you can’t fix it alone.  It won’t matter if you saw it coming and tried to be proactive, or if the damage is done and you are trying to repair… you can’t force the other person to value the friendship like you did.  Repair and reconciliation must be something both people want and are willing to work toward.

And, if the other person doesn’t want it…. you have to be able to let it go and move on with your life.   You learn from it, grow from it, and become (hopefully) a better person from that experience.

Romans 12:18 – If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Only God can soften someone’s heart, once they have hardened it.  Only the Holy Spirit can move them and convict them into the path of reconciliation.  But through Jesus, we can pray for that person.  Because of Jesus, we can extend copious amounts of forgiveness and grace…. and ask for the same in return.  We can confess our wrongs to Jesus, and seek His forgiveness, even when others have become unforgiving.

And we can have hope that reconciliation with our brothers and sisters in Christ will happen, it just may not happen on this earth.  But, we will be reconciled in Heaven as a body of believers.  And then, as we are celebrating together, whatever it is was that separated us will be like grains of sand at the bottom of the deepest ocean.

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THE WORDS FELL OUT OF HIS MOUTH

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This is a phrase I have begun to use recently, a lot, in regards to my husband.    I think it is fairly accurate.  My husband has a tendency to say things without putting a whole lot of thought to it.  Some times, it is reactionary.   He may not have time to really think through a politically correct response.  Other times, he may be tired from a long day and things slip out in a manner he never intended.  The words literally  just seem to fall out of is mouth.  Like when you spill your coffee, it isn’t intended … but happens.

Once my husband was asked a question about a friend of ours.  He laughed and blurted out a seemingly innocent response.  It wasn’t until he recounted the conversation to me later, that he realized the error he had made.  He responded without qualifying the answer.  So it sounded HORRIBLE, when in reality  it really wasn’t.   Fortunately, I was able to clear things up.

There was another time when my husband was attempting to make me feel better about something, but as the words fell out of his mouth… they did some damage.  In this instance, he realized it immediately.  But the words had been said, he could only apologize.

I could be super annoyed at my husband, I could chide him for being reckless with his words.  I do try to steer him in the right direction, or coach him on a better way to say things.  I do try and encourage him to stop and think before he responds.  But, there are times when the words that fall out of his mouth are SPOT ON.  They may sting a bit, could use a little sugar coating… but he is absolutely correct.

There are are also times when words fall out of my mouth.

With my children, when I respond in anger or frustration, as an example.

Scripture warns us that the tongue is a formidable foe, and needs taming.

Words that fall from our mouths are just as dangerous as bricks falling from wall, and wrecking balls swinging out of control.

Words fall out, when we haphazardly drop that bit of gossip.  Words fall out, when we lose our temper.  Words fall out, when we are disappointed.  Words fall out, when we are frustrated or hurt.  Words fall out, when we make promises we can’t keep (or never intended to).

Words that fall out, have a tendency to hurt.  They leave a hole, where they once were.  Repair and restoration needs to be made.

And, I personally think… the words that fall out hurt far more than the ones that are thrown at you.  Because you never see them coming.