The Lord has a very weird sense of humor, when it comes to the ways He chooses to work through my life. I also find that when I am at church and our Pastor issues some sort of a challenge…
… inevitably I am about to be moved out of my comfort zone.
The interesting thing to me, is that the more I look at what He is doing the more I realize that it is not something He was suddenly doing in my life. Instead, the Lord was preparing for me it long before I even knew what IT was going to be.
But, I’m jumping ahead of myself. Let’s start here….
My Pastor began a series called “If I Wasn’t Afraid” (you can watch each of the messages on vimeo from the link above).
In the course of the series, we were challenged to “Be Brave, Don’t Cave”and:
- Accomplish a personal adventure.
- Have a God honoring and needed conversation.
- Take a step (or leap) toward a God honoring commitment.
- Make a God honoring contribution.
Those who know me would hardly consider me as someone who is afraid. For the most part, I’m not. As you get to know me though you’ll realize there are many things I can do… there are many situations I’m bold in… there really isn’t a conversation that I won’t have. I’m not afraid to share my opinions, to try new things, and to even have difficult conversations.
I am, however, terrified when it comes to talking about my personal life. I can share about how I struggle in my walk as a Christian. I can share my parenting difficulties and whatnot. Yet, there is a line. When we get too close to talking about it… I get uncomfortable. I’ll change the subject. I’ll make a joke. I’ll find an excuse to duck out of the room.
This would be the exact subject that God would call me to conquer in the challenge our Pastor issued. You see, this will be a personal adventure for me. I’m about to enter a world that I am terrified of… that one area that has been off limits. It is going to require me to have a God honoring conversation with myself, my husband, and with women just like me. It is going to take a commitment to see this through to the end, no matter how many times I want to run and hide. And, it is going to be a contribution that will hopefully help other women.
By now, I am sure you are all waiting with bated breath for the big reveal….
Ya’ll the Lord has called ME of all people to talk about S… E… X…
Sweet cheese and crackers.
So this week, I’m going to be reading the Song of Songs (aka Song of Solomon). I can’t lie… this is the only book of the Bible I have avoided. However if I am going to stand before anyone and claim the authority of the Word of God… that all parts of it are God breathed for instruction and correction… it must include Song of Songs.
All of it… every word… is important. Whether I ever wanted to admit it or not, God cares about our sex life. It is no wonder we live in a world of sexual brokenness… when we are afraid to talk about it’s holiness.
At the beginning of this post I shared that I realized the Lord had been preparing me for this long before my Pastor issued the challenge. Did you know that the Lord does this quite often. In the book of Nehemiah, there was a lot of preparation going on between the time the Lord burdened Nehemiah’s heart and when the Lord actually said “GO”…
For me, this process started two years ago when a book called “Pulling Back the Shades” came across my lap. It was a simple book review, that would have profound impact on me. A book that would cast off some scales and force me to take a hard strong look at my own past and beliefs about sexuality. That review would lead to me becoming a part of a launch team to promote the book as the 50 Shades movie was about to release. Thus, establishing a relationship with @AuthenticIntimacy that would lead me to volunteering for a women’s conference, launch teams for two more books (25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Sex, Surprised by the Healer), another live event, and then a leaders training. It would put me in touch with a network of women who have become amazing friends, and sisters in the battle to take back this ground.
I would find myself sharing with women things I never imaged I would share with another human being. Then, the Lord pushing me out of my comfort zone, to the point that I would be leading a study on sex in marriage… IN MY CHURCH. Having candid conversations with women in my church about how important this is (and how broken I am) and quite possibly the most awkward email I have ever sent to a Pastor… IN MY LIFE. Why? Because, my Pastor recognizes how important this subject is. For our church. For our community.
I am afraid, terrified of this subject. I know that in short order this last hidden part of myself is about to become absolutely transparent to the women who attend the study. The Lord has a lot to say about being afraid too.
It is ok that I am afraid, that I am scared, that I am even terrified. This means that I am going to be leaning and relying on the Lord more than ever. Please pray for me, and the women who are going to be walking this journey with me. Lord, bring healing. Redeem the broken. Heal marriages. Amen.