Scarred by Sarcasm?

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My personality has always been peppered with wit and sarcasm.  I think it’s something in my genetic code.  Growing up it was normal within my family, and as a kid I can’t recall it ever becoming an issue with any of my friends.  Humor, wit, and sarcasm is definitely a coping strategy of mine.  It helps me navigate awkward situations or diffuse tension.  Nothing like a well timed punch line to change scowling faces into tear streamed laughter. It wouldn’t be a surprise that I would marry a man who embraced humor and sarcasm in the same way.

The first time I became cognizant of my words being harmful, was when my first was school aged.  My husband and I would joke and chide each other with sarcastic statements often.  If I wanted sushi, but my husband wanted to out to the same old burger place… I might comment:  My next husband will be an adventurous eater.   He might rebut with a jab of his won, such as:  Well my next wife will be a grillmaster and I can eat the best burgers at home.

Neither one of us were seriously considering the attributes of our future spouses.  It was just a thing we said, and we meant nothing by it.  Then one evening we were bickering over something, and I’m not sure which one of us ribbed first… but what matters is that our daughter heard us, and she was old enough at that point to know what divorce was.  The next day I over heard her confiding in a friend that her parents were fighting and might get a divorce.

I had always been taught as a child that words can hurt, hurt deeply.  I knew better than to be careless with my words, whether they were hurtfully on honest or intentionally hurtful.  However, growing up in a family that took sarcasm at the value of a grain of salt, I saw a difference between hurtful words and funny words.  What I didn’t take into consideration is that the rest of the world may not be able to see that distinction.  That includes my own children, who had been raised in a loving home and due to their age were not involved in the banter between my husband and myself.

My husband and I first had to clear things up with our daughter, reassuring her that we were just joking with each other.  We affirmed we were committed to each other in our marriage, but we also apologized for not being careful with our words to each other and in front of her.   After that, we made a commitment to her and each other… that type of humor and sarcasm wasn’t appropriate anymore.

While this was really obvious to us, in regards to our children, it was less obvious to us in regards to some of our friendships.  There were people we THOUGHT we could joke with in such a way, when in fact we couldn’t.   Being straight shooters, we could handle it when a person would say “that’s not really funny to me, knock it off”.  No problem.  The difficulty came in those who were unwilling to speak up, we were hurting them with our jokes and we didn’t even know it.  Ultimately this damaged friendships that we treasured.

It was confusing for us, because if someone would have just spoken up… we would have stopped.  At first it was easy to point the finger at others for not speaking up, when in reality we needed to realize that we were responsible for opening our mouths in the first place.  It was a hard lesson to swallow and came at great price.

Humor and even certain types of sarcasm have an appropriate place and time, but they are not tools to be unleashed without care and regard for others.  Our words can over power our character.  You can be a good person, a loving person, but your tongue can get away from you.

Proverbs 21:23 tells us to guard our mouth, to watch our words, and we will avoid trouble.

Psalm 141:3 is cry out to God to guard our mouths for us, to keep our lips shut.

Psalm 19:14 is our plea that the words of our mouths and meditations of soul be pleasing in God’s sight.

I can’t help but wonder, in every circumstance where humor or sarcasm slipped through my lips… were these words pleasing to God?

1 Thess 5:11 calls us as a body of believers to uplift one another, to encourage and build each other up.

Were my words uplifting?  Was I building up my brothers in and sisters in Christ?  Or, was I unkind and careless with my words? 

Sometimes humor and sarcasm are meant only as a joke, but when it is a joke at another person’s expense… it’s not honoring God, it’s not respecting the friendship, and it’s really not funny.  Other times, humor or sarcasm can reveal what we would never boldly say to another person.  We slip it out there with an addendum of “just kidding”, as if that makes it better. That too, is not honor God, respecting the friendship, nor is it funny.

I would encourage those who use sarcasm to be aware of the scarring effects it can have on those around us, who may never speak that truth to us.    I would also encourage those who find themselves the target of sarcasm from family or friends to be willing to speak up for themselves.  Words can hurt, words will divide…. words can also heal.

Lord, forgive me for the occasions where I have been careless with my words.  Speak to the hearts of those I may have hurt, that they know my apologies were sincere, and they can mend any broken veins that has left in their heart.   Help me to guard my mouth, so that what flows from it are words that are uplifting, encouraging, and empowering.    In Jesus name, Amen.

 

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Easter Inspiration

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I don’t know about you, but I have a really bad habit of scrambling for Easter Baskets.  We adhere to a strict budget in home (a’la #DaveRamsey ).  When there was just one child, Easter was great.  I would buy up things in the months leading up to it, wrapped in special paper, hidden along with eggs.  So very #MarthaStewart.

Our first hiccup, is that every 4 years our eldest daughter’s #birthday is the same week as #Easter.  That will pinch the budget, quite a bit.  Then we had our second daughter, who miraculously shares that same birthday.  So now, we had 2 kids to Easter shop for, and every 4 years … 2 kids birthdays to shop for.  Double pinch.  It would come to an arch with the birth of our 3rd daughter, who doesn’t share the same birthday, but is still another person to shop for on Easter.  Not to mention by the time she came along, Easter baskets for my eldest were starting to get a big pricier.

The funny thing about all this #budget complaining?  I know #DaveRamsey would say “You know it comes every year, why don’t you plan for it?”  And, he’s right.  My girls birthdays fall the same day, every year.  With or without Easter.  And Easter, is conveniently on the calendar.  It’s not a surprise, it’s just not planned very well.  My fault, entirely.

2015 brought a particularly tight budget, though.  Not only did we have the year of the Birthday/Easter week, but for my eldest it was a milestone birthday.  Sweet Sixteen.   This year, however, I had my #DaveRamsey cap on.  I was determined to plan, and plan early.  I was determined to stay within my budget.  I was also determined to interject more #Jesus, less candy.

I know that it’s too late Easter 2015, dear readers.  But, you can start planning early for Easter 2016.  Here is a break down of this years baskets.  I hope it is a bit of inspiration.   (And no, I didn’t get any discounts or freebies from these companies.  LOL.  Not sponsored ads, just idea sharing).

candyThis is a 3.75 lb. bag of Palmer Easter candies.  They call it the “Egg Hunt Mix“, and it was perfect.  A little bit of everything.  1 price, 1 bag.   I grabbed my bag at BJ’s.  #Palmer candies are one of my personal favorites.  I’m partial to their peanut butter cups because the peanut butter is smooth and creamy vs. grainy like other brands.

I divided the bag of candy up by 4, because mom needs here share.  I plead the 5th as to whether or not those were “equal shares”.

For my 8 and 12 year old daughters, their baskets were virtually identical.  I headed over to #OrientalTrading and wanted the best value for my dollar.  I went with:

ebfiller  This Easter Basket Filler Assortment was a perfect solution, it had quite a variety and divided up perfectly.  You should be aware that you won’t get everything in the picture.   I did get most of what you see in the picture.  The blow up bunnies were my personal favorite.  The foam airplanes were the kids.    Most of the variety was just 2-4 pieces of that particular item, but there were a couple of things I got a ton of.  I held onto the extras & I am saving them for next year.  #BudgetWin   I also made the choice to inflate the bunnies and built the planes vs. putting the diy kit in there.

supertoy  I also selected the Super Toy Assortment.  On this one, there were definitely differences from the photo.  I pulled the whistles out, because that was one thing our household didn’t need.  I am going to donate them to a local rape crisis center, or place that offers women’s self defense training.    Despite the differences #OrientalTrading still provided a great assortment, with small numbers of each type of toy.

lamby  I purchased one these adorable I Love Jesus Sheep for each of the 3 girls, because who doesn’t love a sweet cuddly plushy?

chalk  I also selected a bucket of chalk and these cute bags carrotbag to wrap up some of the smaller items in.   The carrot bags do not come with any ties, so you will need to pick up some ribbon.  #OrientalTrading came through this year, for sure.  Plus I had a free shipping discount code.  WIN.

I then hopped on over to #FamilyChristian to grab up a few items for the individual girls.

For my 12 year old, I grabbed this great devotion bookdevotional  She’s growing up, and it was time to upgrade her from her “Action Bible“.  She loves that bible and I highly recommend it for your younger kids (girls and boys alike).  But it was time for something more, “Middle School”.

For my  year old, who has been telling us the same jokes over and over again… and is terrible at making up her own…. I was pleasantly surprised at the number of kid friendly, clean joke books #FamilyChristian carries.

jokebook  I picked these 2, but there were many more to choose from.  eastercolor You can’t go wrong with coloring or activity books for an #EasterBasket , so I picked up this too.  It’s perfect, for 8-12 year olds.

There is another great company called #CTAInc. that I have purchased all sorts of items from to use with our #WomensMinistry .   I had never paid much attention to their kids section, but I am glad I took a peek this year.  I got these awesome eggs to put in the girls baskets!   One tells the Gospel Story through cute little egg shaped cards.  Another has a dog tag style necklace that sums up the story with easy to remember color coding.  The third has a puzzle and mini story book to seal the deal.  I chose just to get the eggs because I had other items already purchased.  But CTA Inc. had a lot of other Easter items for various ages, and some coordinated with the eggs!

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For those waiting with baited breath as to what in the world I got for my 16 year old…. that was a bit tricker.  With it being her 16th birthday, we had a BEAUTIFUL Blessings Tea at a local Tea House.  She was gifted a lot of amazing things, to put into her Hope Chest (yes, we do that thing here, LOL).  So she didn’t get a lot of typical “fun” gifts.  I mean, sure grandparents gave her spending money…. because that is what they do.  But, at her party the gifts were much more personal and sentimental.

So, I filled her basket with the plush lamb, a bit more candy than her sisters, and then went for jewelry & some cute Easter socks.  I’d like to say she loved them, but frankly at the hour her sisters got us all up… she was less than human.   She promptly went back to bed, I expect I’ll know the success of my endeavor by whether or not pictures show up on her facebook page.

Frankly, I had already failed her with opting not to dye eggs this year the traditional way.  She silently protested.  Choosing to color her eggs solid, as if to say … “this is how they should look” … while silently thinking “mom not only disappointed me with a cheesecake instead of a real birthday cake, but now she has ruined Easter too.”

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WHO DOESN’T LIKE CHEESECAKE?????   People, really.  This happened.  Pray for her.

…. and yes, that is a Candy Corn Easter Egg…..