For the Love of Peace….

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This post is part of Jen Hatmaker’s “For the Love” Blog Tour which I am delighted to be a part of along with many other inspiring bloggers.  To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE.

For the Love of Peace

If possible, on your part, live at peace with everyone.

Romans 12:18 (HCSB)

The pressures of life are surmounting.   The pressures on women are driving us to anxiety and depression.  Once upon a time, the only expectations upon us were to be image bearers, good wives, good mothers, good stewards, and good students of the word.  Over the course of history, to modern day, those expectations grew.

A perfect home.

Perfect children.

The perfect wife.

Then we added to those pressures as women entered the work force.   Now not only did we have to be perfect in every way at home, but also at work.  As more women entered the work force, the expectations upon them grew to become a super woman.

Then, there was a shift.  Women began staying home with their children again.  However, this added to the pressures of the perfect home life because she no longer had to balance outside work and housework.  We thrust upon her the notion that children’s birthday parties had to be grand, we needed to scrapbook every day of our children’s lives, and that we had to not only be the super mom… but also the super wife.  Proverbs 31 Woman became a piece of scripture that women were clinging to in order to become the super Christian woman, as well.

The pressure was mounting.

And then, it happened… social media exploded and took women along for the ride.

We had Pinterest to help us make the perfect meals, hand craft decorations for our homes, and upping the children’s birthday party to epic levels.

Facebook tossed in our faces, daily, the women who were winning at life.  Working out every day to maintain her perfect body.  Her perfect weekend crafting with her kids.  Date night, once a week, with her perfect husband.  The flowers he sends her, the gifts he gives her, the attention he showers her with.

Instagram became a revealing window to how much fun others were having, without us.  We saw their “girls weekend getaway” that we were not invited to.   We commented on the fifty hand made invitations for her Women’s Ministry luncheon.  We loved her outfit of the day photo, while we sat in the jeans we bought six years ago that are holding on by threads.

The pressure kept growing… and growing….

Before we could even realize it was happening, the green eyed monster of envy was rearing it’s ugly head.  To see it, we just had to look in the mirror.

We were jealous of her doting husband.

We felt left out of the fun.

We didn’t think we could compete with her talent.

We were no longer content with our homes, or their decor.

We lamented over our lack of funds to go on vacations or buy new clothes.

We began to hate our own bodies.

We became jealous over the opportunities their children have.

And that is when it happened, the pressure became too much.. and we blew up.

On the inside.

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  When these things happen, when the pressure grows to the point where we are going to blow…  someone is inevitably going to get caught in the wake of the explosion.

We will hate our selves, for the areas we failed.

We will hate our families, for what they are not.

We will hate others, for what they have … and we don’t.

Jealousy will poison our souls to the point that it will destroy us from the inside out, if we don’t spiritually check ourselves.

When these pressures surmount like this, we have only two ways to respond after we blow our tops.

  1.  We pull up our big girl panties, set our minds right, and find peace with the blessings that God has given us.

—-  OR —-

2. We begin to elevate ourselves, by tearing down others.

There are so many scriptures that point us toward peaceful living.  Blessed are the peacemakers (Matt 5:9),  Seek and Pursue Peace (Psalm 34:14), There is Future for those in Peace (Psalm 34:34), Live at Peace with Others (Romans 12:18)… these are just a few.  God wants us to be at PEACE in our lives, not fear… not anxiousness… not jealousy or discontent.   God wants us to LOVE in our lives, not hate… not condemn… not hurt or divide.  In fact, God’s word says that we will be KNOWN BY OUR LOVE (John 13:35).  When we LOVE, we not only have peace in our own lives, but we GIVE PEACE TO OTHERS.

God wants us to live in peace, and yet more often than not…  we go the other route.

Whether it is rooted in jealousy or a lack of confidence in ourselves (and our decisions or abilities), we begin to lash out.    It starts with the thoughts in our heads, begins to fall out of our mouths in our words, and then eventually felt in our actions and deeds.

We create competition, where there is none.  We become critical of their decisions and opportunities, instead of embracing our own unique blessings.  We try and bring others to our side, by gossiping about the person.  We try and force our opinions on others, not because we desire to see change in them for the better, but really to affirm that we are right.  Our thoughts become so self centered, that we can no longer see that person(s) in a positive light.   If we are not careful, it can begin to consume us.

If we are not at peace, we are at war… within our own heart and mind.  War is messy, and it has many casualties.  It will cost you happiness, contentment, and relationships.

 And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:7 (HCSB)

Do not be conformed to this world, choose to live in peace.  Be known for your love.

“Let’s lay down our junk, our wonky junk that messes up relationships and community and togetherness. We won’t let our own crazy stop us from affirming each other and banging the drum for our sisters.” – Jen Hatmaker, For the Love

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Learn more about Jen Hatmaker’s new book “For the Love” at:  http://forthelovebook.com/

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When the Student Becomes the Teacher

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If you are a seasoned Christian, there will undoubtedly be times where you will have influence over people who are new to the faith.  You may be a Bible Study teacher, accountability partner or even mentor.  If you do your job right, you should experience a day where your student will not only meet but exceed your knowledge.  Before you know it, they will be coming to YOU with things they have learned and discovered.

This is what we are called to do.  The goal is not to teach or lead someone to always stay just under our abilities, but to soar beyond us.  We are building future leaders.  We should be encouraging them, and listening to what they share with us.

Yet, we can easily allow pride to get in the way.  And, I am not talking about pride in our student.  I’m talking about that moment when our student corrects or has insight that counters our own interpretation.  It is a defining moment where we turn our student into our enemy, instead of rejoicing in their growth.

“Who does she think she is correcting ME?”

“I’ve been a Christian my whole life, how dare he think I don’t know what I am talking about?”

These are just some of the thoughts that can come across our minds, when pride gets in the way.

One day, a friend was venting to me about her husband.  She was a woman who had always supported wives in a submissive role.  In many ways she helped me to get a better understanding of what godly submission looks like in a marriage.  In this moment, she was not being submissive to him.  She was very upset, she wanted her way, she wanted me to tell her she was right, and frankly she was being a very disagreeable wife.  Because of what I learned from her, I responded that I could understand where they were both coming from, but that she needed to quietly submit to him on the issue.

“I don’t need you to tell me how to be submissive.”  End of conversation.

Ouch.  Here I was reflecting back on her the very thing she taught me, and I was admonished for it.

Granted, it probably wasn’t what she wanted to hear in the moment.  But, it was what she needed to hear.  She was allowing her anger to cloud her view of not only the situation but her husband.

She didn’t talk to me for quite a while after that.

In another situation I found myself in, I had been deeply studying scripture as part of one of my seminary classes.   Someone I had considered more learned than me during my earlier walk, had shared an interpretation of scripture that was wrong.   When I attempted to guide her toward the correct meaning (I wanted her to discover it for herself), it got argumentative.  I had to then be blunt and explain that her exegesis of the scripture was incorrect.

Radio silence.

It bothered me the entire day, because I wasn’t doing anything wrong…. but she was upset that I had corrected her.

Teachers who are prideful can often put themselves above correction.  They are teachers who become unteachable themselves.  They can’t handle when their student surpasses them, and especially can’t handle being corrected by their student.  It is impossible for them to accept that they may be wrong.  What is worse, their pride turns their student into an enemy.  They will see this correction as an attack, and go on the defensive.

In reality, they should be PROUD!

When my children teach me something new, because they learn something in school I was never taught… I AM THRILLED.  We discuss it, so that I too can understand this fantastic new fact or theory.  It’s a reciprocal relationship of investing in each other.  I have invested my time and energy in to teaching them MANY things, and that they would want to teach me something new is their return on that investment.

When the student becomes the teacher, it is a blessing.

1)  It means we did our job, we taught them well and set them on the right course to continue learning.

2)  It means that they recognized our investment in them, and they wish to repay us by teaching us the new things they have learned.  We deposited in their bank of knowledge and now they are depositing in our bank.

3)  It means that they are no longer our student, but a peer.  They become a resource for us to pull from as we continue to teach new students.

Our goal, when we are teaching the Word to ANYONE should be to help them go further than we ever could with our faith.  It is setting into motion ripples that will reach far beyond our own spot in the pond.

Their success, is our success.  Their fruit, is our fruit.

If we allow pride to get the better of us, and we react in harsh ways to their new found knowledge… it can be damaging.

The relationship will be damaged.  Their confidence will be damaged.  The progress of their calling will be damaged.

When your student corrects you, it is a good thing.  If they are right, and there is nothing wrong with verifying the accuracy of their information.  We SHOULD check, that’s being a good Berean.  You can acknowledge the new information, let them know that you are going to look into it further, and make sure to follow up the conversation.  Did you come to agree with them, are you uncertain if they are right or not, do you have suggestions of someone else to include in the conversation to bring clarity, or did you find out their information is wrong?   Share it with them, have dialogue… but keep it healthy.

Check your motives, it shouldn’t be to “prove wrong” but to seek the truth.