This past weekend, the family drove down to one of the biggest malls in our state. We spent the day shopping, met up with some new friends, and had an amazing lunch. Each family member came home with decent haul of goodies, my absolute favorite take home was from the candy store. I was able to fill up a ziplock style bag with my own custom blend of Jelly Belly jelly beans. Why is this such a big deal?
- I hate all jelly beans other than Jelly Belly.
- Within the Jelly Belly menu, I have just a few that actually like.
- When I buy a bag of Jelly Belly jelly beans, I end up eating like 10 beans and giving the rest to the kids.
Being able to fill up a bag full of my favorite, hard to find, flavors brought me joy. I didn’t even care how much it was going to cost. FILL HER UP! I should also confess that thanks to this insane election day, I pretty much finished off the bag already. Sigh.
Many years ago, I think my husband would have had a fit about me spending so much on “jelly beans”. I’m sure there would have been a few Dave Ramsey quotes thrown at me. No, I don’t NEED a custom filled bag of jelly beans in the flavor of buttered popcorn. However, we have also learned over the years that my husband doesn’t NEED to understand why I desire something. He just needs to respect the fact that I do want it. Just like I don’t NEED to understand why he likes certain television shows that I don’t enjoy.
We are different people, God didn’t make us a duplicates of each other in different gender form. We are very, VERY, different. Yet, we always find ways to connect with one another. We recognized that it was important for us as a couple to find things we enjoyed mutually. This gave us something to talk about, to connect over. It is very easy when you have kids to connect over parenting, but one day those children move out. When that happens, then what? What will you talk about? What will you do together, when your lives no longer center on your children and their activities and events?
It is imperative that as a couple we stay connected, and we were created for connection. This is why God states from the beginning that it was not good for man to be alone, and so from his rib a woman was fashioned to be his helpmeet. God gave man a companion in woman, and they did life together. They connected over their responsibilities, they connected in emotional relationship, and they connected physically. Connection is important, and when we can recognize that connection is important between US… we also see how important it is that we ware connected to God.
Once, I was scrolling through my husband’s notes app on his phone. He was in need of information from one of his task lists. I happened upon a list that my husband was keeping in his phone on ways he could be a better husband. Unbeknownst to my husband, around this same time I working through a women’s study on how I could better meet his needs. Our connection is so important to the both of us, we are seeking it out independently as well as together.
This all brings me to the book, “Created for Connection” by Dr. Sue Johnson. What I really enjoy about this book is that it isn’t passive. Sometimes, you pick up a book on marriage… read (or speed read) you way through it. You feel a bit better or more hopeful, or a sting of conviction that you could do a better job… but life moves on at it’s normal pace. Dr. Johnson makes you stop and actually participate in the process. Taking inventory and putting principles in to practice as you move along, brings an active element toward making real change in your relationship (or taking a great relationship and making it even greater!).
You can read the book and do the work on your own, or go through it as a couple (I recommend the latter). Dr. Johnson uses her experience as a couples therapist as well as the Scriptures to walk us through what she calls the “seven conversations” that will lead to a lifetime of love. This is a take your time book, that will pay off in dividends if you are genuine about connect on a deeper level with your spouse … and then ultimately God.