What is amazing to me is how the Lord will come down like a deluge, a flood, into our lives when we are stepping into what He is calling us to do.
Since releasing Women’s Ministry with Purpose, I’ve worked on several book ideas that I’ve pitched. But, nothing has really taken any steam. That can be disappointing and discouraging, but it’s also par for the course. I’m a new author, still proving myself in the world of publishing.
I was writing because, I’d love to have a career writing. I’m not vying for platform or trying to build up to a NYT Best Seller. I just feel, in my depths, that I have more say that is of value. Whether it falls into the pages of my own writings or something I contribute to another’s work is of little difference to me. I’ll post the blog, give the interview, send ideas, etc.
Last week something happened, the Lord brought me round to something I had been avoiding.
I purchased a book a year ago, and I kept starting it and putting it down. Over and over again. Not able to get beyond the preface and first two chapters. It was not because the book wasn’t interesting or intriguing, but rather it was hard. It was a topic I was experiencing frustration in, presently despite the book being written almost 40 years ago.
One evening, the Lord brought it to mind and wouldn’t let me rest. Finally, I got out of bed, took the book from the shelf and set it on my nightstand. I would start reading it the next day.
Very quickly through a series of affirmations I realized that this was the launching of my next book. Not the next book project to work on, but my next book that would be published. There is a certainty here that I’ve not felt since my first book.
Not only a certainty, but a craftsmanship that is happening that comes when I am in “the zone”, “the sweet spot”, and doing what I have been called for.
I sit with my computer to one side, my Bible to the other. In front of me are legal pads full of notes, and a stack of pens so that I do not need to hunt for a new one when the current one runs dry. I’ve exhausted numerous post it note pads already, and more are to come. I’ve printed articles and requested archived pieces from churches many states away. Lists of questions are being built for an eventual survey to be shared with other leaders to compute data.
I have already purchased four additional books from ebay, and my cart is already filled with several more. I’m pulling books from my bookshelves that I had not started yet, but I instantly see why God brought them into my library. I grabbed a stack of pages that were omitted from my previous book. Pages that I easily cut, when needing to reduce my word count. I recall, just now as writing this, even telling my Publisher (when he questioned their removal) that they would be better suited for a future book.
My niece called and reminded me of an order I placed with her, at the time these were items for a different purpose that never came to be. Now I see that they were not for what I had planned, but to have on hand for what God had planned for the future.
I type fervorously. If you have seen the musical Hamilton, the lyrics… “why do you write like you are running out of time, write day and night like you are running out of time” … seem so applicable to my life. I have a fire that burns to keep the words pouring out of my hands on to pages of notes, research, quotes, and I’ve yet to place a single word on the page of a “manuscript” yet.
This is what it is like to write on a project that you are called to write.
And the thing is… I am absolutely terrified.
It’s an important topic. I want to write with reverence, and respect.
But, like Moses in Exodus Chapter 4…. I’m asking God… are you sure? Are you sure I am the one? Surely there is someone better to do this?
It is in these moments when I am surrendering to the doubt and fear that I know it is not being done i my own strength (gifts, talents, will) but rather in His. Because, if left up to me, I’d rather let someone else do this work.
I’m not intimidated by the amount of work. I am terrified at the work itself, when so much is riding on it.
And, on that note… I step away from this reprieve (coveting your prayers over the project)…. and grab another legal pad… pick up my pen… there is more work to be done.