When I was in high school, it was so very clear to me what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I wanted to be an actress. Not a just a famous actress, but a respected actress. Think less Lindsay Lohan and more Meryl Streep.
God had different plans for me.
But, I can’t lie that bend towards doing or being something great in my life has never gone away.
When I started down the line of Drama Ministry, I thought I could end up well known and respected there. When I started script writing, I thought that would be my place in the world.
When I started serving in Women’s Ministry, I thought I’d become a speaker…. and that would take me down the road to writing a book, and perhaps one day when you bought your tickets for Women of Faith … you’d be coming to see me.
Again, this was never from a place of just being successful, but respected.
Which is something that gets me on another tangent. So many of the texts for husbands and wives talk about him wanting respect, while she wants love. And while yes, I do want love… I really want my husband’s respect. But that, my friends, is a topic for another day.
I am a woman who wants to be respected. I thought that respect would come from doing something great. And it did, but not in the way I imagined.
It came in the form of a baby, swaddled and handed to me. A life that I would have a chance to mold into a person better than I have ever been. Not realizing it would be she that would make me a better person. That this little bundle would reconcile me with my Savior, in a way greater than ever before.
When she was just about to hit school age, I thought to myself “now is the time” and I called up my agent and said I was ready to work again. Less than a year later, God said WAIT. Another swaddling bundle would enter my world. This time not only did I once again have a great mission in impacting this child, but it would be that as a result of her conception, my life would be saved. It would draw attention to the cells trying to attack my body & we would be able to catch it before it became a vicious cancer. When she was about to hit school age, I thought again…. NOW is the time.
But God would once again say WAIT. A third precious bundle would come into my world and bring with it peace. One daughter brought me to God on my knees. One daughter saved my life from disease. One daughter would fill my life with peace. I was amongst the least of these, and they were the ones making ME a better person, a better Christian.
As this third precious child was about to enter her school years…. I had a thought. NOW is NOT the time. My last bundle was walking into the world and my oldest child was entering the last 4 years of her adolescence. Now is not the time for me to do anything but focus on the mission that God set before me. My mission is motherhood. The greatest mission ever. The greatest impact I can make on the world, is by pouring myself into them, and pointing them to the cross.
God hasn’t removed my dreams from my heart, or indicated another path for me, He has simply slowed the process. I have decided to yield and not rush it. A rushed blessing is never as sweet as the blessing that comes in His timing.